How fat would you say she has to be before I can consider this a threesome
Literally like 10 people walking in my building talking about how much they hate draco
we just decided that lesbian tuesdays are a must, as of tomorrow.
My balls are so social today.
Okay I'm all about any plan that ends with "We're gonna get you drunk."
just had dinner with my dad's new gf and her daughter.. had to drink a beer to get through it.. she's 19 she has on a disney watch and snowflake earrings
last night was the icing on my 3 week vodka binge cake
i found a twelve pack under my bed. and a six pack in my closet. I'm like a fucking alcoholic squirrel.
I refrained from asking a guy what he spilled on his dick because it smelled good. Morals.
It's called being normal.
being sober in physics class makes me realize the regularity with which i show up to it still drunk
So yeah, don't be alarmed when you come home after work to find me eating cookie dough out of a margarita glass with a knife and watching The Little Mermaid. It's been one of those days.
guy next to me on the train just pulled out two bottles of gin and a block of cheddar. is slowly making his way through all of them.
this old dude from the bar is giving me a ride home in a van, his bumper sticker says " don't laugh your kids could be in here" scary world ou here
I was so gone I thought the cops banging on my door were kids from the party trying to get into my room... needless to say, I started moaning louder so they would take the hint.
reason #1 why i should never live alone: i haven't put pants on since she left 26 hours ago. and ive made spaghetti 3 times.
Randomize
