Dude. The girls called me over to see what they had in their dorm. They snuck in a pigeon in a cardboard box. They named it Quincey. They swear they're sober.
trapped on the roof of the strip club. help
my first words to him the next morning were "do you like magic"?
I swear that when we jog in the morning I can hear it slap between his thighs
Thanks for the hickies, asshole. I make my living as a fitness instructor. It's gonna look reeeeeeal weird if I have to wear a scarf while teaching Zumba all week.
We don't have any ice, so I'm using the frozen cognac to reduce the swelling on Abby's toe.
I'm horny too so maybe we will both recap our regrets on Sunday
Called Apple, my penis pics are safe.
WHAT HAS MY LIFE COME TO I'M MAKING A SCARF FOR A PENIS
I woke up in some kids room and he introduced me to his friends at breakfast as "Monica" so I just went with it.
Just threw up in the trash can at my desk. I guess "beating the hangover" eventually leads to this.
I needed to pee, so I climbed out his window
Bacon and your penis are involved. Of course I'm going over.
hotelroom bed is big enough to masturbate in, but small enough to not want to sleep in it after you've masturbated in it
Did you ask Harvard boi?
Apparently he likes someone who is into being smart and a supporter of human rights ugh what a skank
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