RJ thinks I should put one of the muffins in my vagina. Good idea or bad idea?
Peter invited his little brother to smoke with us and he is trying so hard to pretend he's done it before. When he saw the weed he was like "hell yeah!" and everyone got completely silent and just looked at him
It's my diet secret . . . it's like slimfast but I call it cockfast instead.
I slept with a married guy last night and then broke my toe on the doorframe on the way out. I've never seen karma work so fast.
Soooo how am i supposed to explain to my mom that i was admitted to the hospital but you kidnapped me within 20 minutes?
Had to go to the urgent for a physical and I gave them my fake. Nurse was a sport though
I just want to hug my vagina but I can't!\nLike, I want to wrap my arms around it and say "I'm sorry"
Currently studying Econ, while waiting outside current booty call's residence for him to return from the strip club. This is your fault.
You're lucky I'm tired or I'd take a pic of me mounting a reindeer yard decoration
I just conveyed my whole sex life to my mom over voicemail. Anddd, I'm hammered.
Top night. Top night.
I literally walked into the toilet, looked at my reflection, said "alcohol" and went back to bed...
My vagina is officially offended.
So basically I really like drugs AND banging cops and it's starting to get complicated
I expect you will be there for a drunken 3way with my husband again this new year.
OF COURSE I NEED TO KNOW I MUST KNOW EVERYTHING
YOU ARE NOT OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
I AM OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
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