you dont know how to answer ppls txts anymore?!?
im sorry, i don't get text messages.
I woke up with semen in my invisalign. My molars were just marinating in it
that girl looks like she smells like hot dog water...
well judging by the amount of dired blood around my nipple rings i'm gonna assume it was a good night
Um he just came into the kitchen naked to get her purse or something?
HAPPY NEWYEARSM FAGTRON! GETTING HEAD IN TAXI I WIN
also since I use google voice my ads in gmail switched to DUI services after this conversation
Dude I was taking a shower and I kept looking down at the drain expecting Mario to come up, yell "It's a me, Mario!", tickle my balls, and go back down the drain.
Thanks for letting me use your ID, there's $120 along with your ID in the mail to cover the Urinating in public fine I got last night....sorry
Fucking her was like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
Ten minute nap on a staircase honey badger don't care
I love you. Mom got to wasted at the wedding that she threw up on my shirt.
He's holding a pee stick. Yes it's weird.
Also, let me tell you how embarrassing it is to match with someone who seemingly has their shit together at 4:45AM on a Thursday.
You ask to touch his thighs ten times and called them magnificent.....need I say more
Mom wants to know if you're coming over or if it's safe for her to take her bra off...
Randomize
