So I just found panties on our kitchen floor that had a slit in the vagina section. Does that mean shes open for sex, or she has a penis?
YOURE GIVING A BLOW JOB TO THE BOY WHO SAYS "OH SNAP"
believe me... letting the man that delivered you from your mother's vagina do shots off your stomach is really fucking awkward.
He said I came instead of I'm coming. I wonder if he noticed my state of confusion when I stopped blowing him.
Wasn't he an English major?
Chipotle chips and wine for breakfast. Its def game day
I kinda volunteered your dick to help her deal with her virginity issues. Figured you wouldn't mind.
As if right now I am a humanitarian. Full story to come in the morning. It involves sex.
I could not actually bring myself to utter the phrase "donkey cock" in front of my father. Not possible.
I. recorded a message of me yelling at myself to "get up out of that bed" and set it an alarm. REALLY loud
It's Reggie from Taco Bell, send me a pic.
Ugh. He got her for secret santa. Idk what to get. Idk what she's into.
... other people's boyfriends.
Married dude I had an affair with 10yrs ago was at table next to us at dinner last nite. My mom asked him to take a pic of us & then commented how cute he was as they left. Do I tell her he’s got a huge D too?
its 11:20. i'm drunk in class flying paper airplanes for my final. what the fuck is my college experience right now?
we used a blowdryer last night to warm up our left over pizza..it worked perfectly at first..but then the chili powder got into his eyes..
She's better-looking with the mask on.
Randomize
