Dude, this chick just tossed my salad hard. All that I could picture was a dog trying to get the last of the peanut butter out of the jar of Jiff and trying not to think of how grotesque my last dump was.
Then she tried to kiss me and I wouldn't and she got pissed off and went to sleep. Then about an hour later, her kid called her. She went home and on the way out I told her to wash her mouth before she kissed her kid good night. Weird night..
i was so blacked out at my family party.. my mom gave markers to all my little cousins. i was tagged by 5 year olds.
So she comes up to me at the end of the night and asks me if I going to take her home and fuck her. I pretty much had to right?
you had an obligation.
At least the cops kept you away from sleeping with her. Protect and Serve.
hey you forgot your wet suit in my room you can come grab it whenever
I have to shower first, I forgot I peed on my feet last night...
i'll llet you know if at any point this night starts to make any sense
Fuckin wine wasted last night. Found my pants in the toilet this morning.
he pissed the bed, like I literally woke up and he was pissing right beside me. With the electric blanket he's lucky he didn't get electrocuted
I just shook glitter of my birth control packet so I’d say it’s safe to say it was a good weekend
I'm literally trapped as the little spoon on a mattress on the floor of an unfinished basement with a professional athlete snoring in my hair
i've hit rock bottom. Eating pringles and playing taylor swift on guitar in my underwear at 11am on a wedensday morning. Sober.
So my step mom just informed me she tells stories about me at work as a form of birth control for the girls that work there, not sure if i should be offended or proud.
Think he has a gf
Yea that shit doesn’t necessarily stop me
Next time I think it’s a good idea to hook up with any of your wife’s family members or friends just kick me in my dick
Randomize
