he only lasted three minutes, so to spite him i stayed the night and slept in.
Dude that chick had her name tattooed in Japanese characters between her b-cups. I kept calling her Toyota.
I'm cleaning the house. And I can't stop listening to Enrique Iglesias. Am I gay?
I even have the new album if that helps you make a decision.
It's gonna be pretty hard to find a homeless person that takes crackers as currency.
im never drinking wine from a person in a wet suit and goggles ever again.
Just saw a guy I fucked in a clown suit in the bar. It's not Halloween. I have got to start making better life decisions.
I can't believe this. 100 bucks says my Botox lasts longer than their marriage will.
I still think it's strange your mom saw me 93% naked with a Santa hat on and a raging boner. Tis the season right?
Sensing a theme here
If alcoholism is a theme, yes.
And now let us go forth, and be garbage people in public.
Isn't that our default mode?
I just paid my school fees like a real adult who doesn't get accidentally drunk on a Tuesday night
We both shit in the same closet in Santa Fe. Nothing is sacred anymore.
Why the fuck are you playing with legos?
Why the fuck are you questioning me?
You woke up at like 4 in the morning fell off your bunk bead, yelled at Nic for asking if you were ok, walked to the kitchen, pissed on the keg, and then looked at me and said "Still not worth it" then went back to bed.
I’m really upset they canceled the conference. Since the divorce I’ve been working out, I bought cute new outfits and even found a bikini I liked. Now it’s all online. You can’t get laid at a webinar
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