I thought I drunk dialed Adam last night and left him a voicemail. I just checked my phone. I realize I left a drunk voicemail with my son's teacher.
i dont know what it is, i just found it in my pants.
Sometimes, when I pour the powdered creamer in my coffee I like to pretend it's Colombian grade cocaine.
That's the kind of morning coffee a girl could welcome the day with.
I just wnated to let you know that I laminated my history notes so i can study in the shower.
i have a new found respect for you. the amount of people you must have cockblocked last night is amazing
The difference between you and me last night was that I didn't remember getting into the cab and you didnt know we were in one.
Is it uncouth to have a themed intervention? I know how much you like Star Wars.
Night just started and I've already seen a woman headbutt a brick wall. Unintentionally. Epic to say the least
Right now he's sitting in the chair pointing to me to go away. He's trying to have quiet time with his penis.
I would really just like to get laid somewhere that's not on a bathroom floor at this point in my life
For a pair of gay men you destroy a lot of vagina.
I can see the future and your future is full of penis
now that we broke up we are playing hot potato with the cock ring.. Poor thing just needs a home
just saw two eagle scouts making out in chic-fil-a
I woke up wearing nothing but my red thigh high socks and a blue wig. I have no idea what happened.
Randomize
