I'm gunna smoke cigs today. I feel like I'm in that powerful and gritty mood which requires them
She said i saw her in the study room, waved, disappeared, came back with a coke from god knows where, and slurred "i have a drinking problem but i ate grits"
Whatever. It was high school. Back then I'd blow anyone who had enough room between their chest and their steering wheel for my head to fit.
Thank you for holding my bra last night while i did a topless lap around the house
I definitely hasselhoffed a taco bell burrito on my kitchen floor in front of my dad and little brother.
what kind of one night stand wants to walk you home in the morning? whole diff kind of walk of shame.
your house isnt even gonna be on google maps after this party
shes making a cheerios necklace using dental floss 'just in case' she gets the munchies later
She told me she's into girls now. I told her there would be a full bottle of jäger and an empty bed here Friday.
He's only done it missionary. His world is about to be rocked. Do you know what I look like from behind?
If you can handle my post-party look you da real MVP
Dude i'm still drunk and i'm feeding a raccoon cereal from my bedroom window
You were giving me all the reasons why being the big spoon is such a responsibility, and how you wish you were a girl cause the little spoon does nothing
She drunkenly texted me about Japanese mythology at four AM. I think I’m in love.
It's nice doing the walk of shame at 530 am, the birds are chirping, campus is empty, and it's dark so noone can see who the Fuck you are
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