Turns out you're obligated under man law to share any passwords you may have for porno sites
Is that what they're teaching u at that bar review class?
I woke up this morning really drunk with my Christmas lights on and two owls in my bed.
you cried when she wouldn't let you have her bathroom rug.
No I am not eating basil off your cock
We just shotgunned beers for America
WHAT? When did I ever refer to one of my past hookups as "the rainforest guy"?
Walt said he was feeding me so I wouldn't die. that's why there was pasta in my room
Fighting the urge to throw up all over my little brothers jr high basketball bench. Welcome home aaron
Been awake for 50 some odd hours. I've discovered I can spew out maaaad papers whilst coked out of my face. My roommates probably think I'm dead. Money well spent. You?
Somehow she is more off limits now than when she was his girlfriend
I wrote "fuck you meg" on my toaster strudel with the icing. I call it "passive aggressive breakfast"
I swear, when I turn 21 in four months, I'm going to carry a flask around with me, and make a drinking game out of everything.
Current state of being: shivering like a new born kitten on the bathroom floor
Apparently stoned me thought eating chips in the shower was a good idea.
Heeyy... sorry I got so drunk. You probably don't ever want to see me again. Thank you for dealing with me when I tried to jump over the deli counter for some mayonnaise.
Randomize
