Is that you in the white hat?
Fine suit yourself
Asian chick on skype stripping for me. Hold on give few min
just saw a DUI checkpoint outside of a taco bell...i feel like thats cheating...
some guy just got out of his chair quietly. Laid down on the floor and is now asleep in between rows in my lecture hall. He must have had a rough night.
I'm gonna keep this simple. I threw up in your pillow case. Sorry.
Whenever I don't wipe thoroughly after shitting, I just think that anyone if anyone sticks their finger up my ass, they had it coming.
Got a personal ride from safe ride. I was crying so hard. The driver said think of something happy and I said Disney. In which I sang him Aladdin. So I got home ok
He was dressed in a pink dressing gown feeding people ketamine from a plastic sword he called Excalibur. how was your Monday?
Dude. Remember the only two rules I set for that? Always have a sober friend and don't do drugs with a fat chick.
All you had to say was "damn dude that looks fun, I miss ice fishing." But you sent a picture of poop. Classy
They got mad when I cut the pizza with an x-acto knife. Oh well, more for me then.
I'm gonna write a book. Almost Awesome: all the times I ALMOST got laid.
If it exists, I've probably pregamed it.
well you did quote socrates while playing beer pong and then proceeded to fall down
I can't dude. Last time I was there, I blew the bartender in the bathroom at last call.
Randomize
