It really wasn't that bad. Well, it was pretty bad, but only in 3 second bursts.
i woke up convinced that my room was backwards i tried to go into the closet to get outta my room
ejected that DVD during the department meeting.. it was our porn from last night. I have a new nick-name at work.
he was playing drums on rock band as i poured bailey's into his mouth. tell me that's not a bonding moment.
i woke up to the sound of my dad getting blown. this is my life
Well, at first I was really confused. But then I realized that he was talking from his penis's perspective... in third person.
Apparently she doesn't appreciate the significance of eskimo sisterhood as much as I do.
All i've had today is coffee and ketchup packets. I need a job like yesterday.
I like to think of you as more a magic eight ball of my life's journey?
In the middle of me riding him, he stopped me and said "You're the kind of person who would be restrained for being obnoxiously drunk on an airplane, huh?"
I have 80 very blurry photos of you on a stripper pole...
Your cousin just directly asked you for nudes
I would literally only have sex with a dinosaur right now.
You need to stop showing people the things i drunk-text to you... i have a reputation to uphold here
Welcome to your 30’s, where every one night stand is most likely with someone’s father
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