is it trashy that while he was throwing up in the bathroom, i was hooking up with his childhood best friend?
just wondering who decided to put a cup of throw up in my fridge
The girl in the white might have stds. I'm strangely okay with this.
I just made Jack Daniels snow cones.
I am currently sitting on a candy bar to warm it up cause it was in the fridge so I can eat it while watching the last song and smoking weed by myself
She greeted me with a new giants jersey and an opening day blowjob. this is true love.
I'm sorry I murdered your sperm with my alcohol saturated Olympic uterus.
His pick up line was "your one sexy pumpkin, I'd love to carve." Why would you let me go home with him?
Just saw an all male dolphin threesome from underwater viewing
We're fucking and Lee Greenwood God Bless the USA comes on and he came. It was the most Roll Tide America moment of my life.
I asked him for something to clean up with after sex and he handed me a sham wow. A SHAM WOW
I'm drunk from drinking bourbon out of a "cupcake sippy cup" at the Denny's bar. What the fuck happened to the goals I had?
I know he's gay. But if he touches my vagina I'm human centipeding his face. Sorry not sorry
so this maintenance guy stood at the corner of my cubical and scratched his balls for like a full minute cause he thought no one could see him
Don't forget to grab a pregnancy test and sloppy joe mix for tonight
Randomize
