I think the world might be a better place if everyone was capable of having open relationships.
STOP fucking him and come play in the snow with us!
Your clothes are in washers 2,3 and 4. I arranged by darks, whites, then frat... I'm not even joking
life is sad when you just turned 21 and youre doing late night rogaine runs...
I'm sorry for coming into your work place and trying to smuggle you out in my purse.
Have you ever straight up just taken a bite out of a block of cheese? Because it's amazing.
The only thing that was weird was that it WASN'T weird when she got out of the shower and saw me blowing him.
How did it go last night?
Woke up head half shaved and a burrito? So good and bad?
I will keep you posted and someday if we daydrink teach you how to do a footjob
Definitely just realized I wore a shirt that says "building leaders for Christ" to a hookup. Roll tide.
Suspicion confirmed. my mom has her nipples pierced
Way to crack the case Nancy Drew
Sex aside I am really scared about Syria...
I can get something to clone your cock for $40. It's worth it. It's my birthday present to myself.
OMG I CAN GET A GLOW-IN-THE-DARK ONE
hi, I love you... and I'm sorry your floor is covered in popcorn, your cabinet is broken, all your alcohol is gone, you're 80 dollars poorer, everything in your bedside table is soaked in beer, austin slept in your bed in those disgusting underwear, I made out with your toilet seat, and for talking to your mom with a four loko in my hand
I woke up and couldn't find her. She had somehow managed to get into the closet and lock herself in. She was crying for her boyfriend. Thirsty Thursday at its finest
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