what do you mean I googled how to give an awesome blow job?
Apparently we had sex last night, and then I made him drive me to the beach so I could puke in the ocean.
Screw it. I'll show up in a white dress with a sign that says " I fucked the groom and it wasn't that great."
Dude this stripper just dry humped the settings off my phone. She earned that dollar
Me and him were fist fighting in the back of the cab and I offered the driver a 100% tip to call him an asshole. I don't know why.
I just gave a bum a ride back to his bench. Columbus is weird but I like it.
Haha he puts me in a mood mix of annoyed and... "just get in my pants"
I saw the attitude and didn't even try. Line of the night from one guy who talked with them for a while said, "I don't meet you standards. I have a job and would treat you well." She was blank faced.
I could definitely fill a shot glass w my cum
please don't
You could sing the national anthem right before we have sex. Make it feel like a sporting event
Like tbh you're not doing anything that screams I'm drunk and yet nothing says I'm going to spend $30 on McDonalds and make out with a stranger like that picture
Walking actually physically hurts. We should do it again some time.
Where am I? And why the fuck did you leave me here?
Relax. I left you somewhere safe plus you have all my weed so you know I will come back for you.
God, I missed his penis.
Looks like the opera singer hook up is paying off. Ran into the MILF from 407 and she said “your lady friend sounded like a very lucky girl.”
Randomize
