Define "chronic" masturbator.
I lined up everyone's pillows and I'm playing Evel Knievel when I jerk off later.
I think i just called up my ex and talked to her for 20 minutes about frogs and how happy i am to be wearing shorts
Gay TA. Finally going to boost my GPA your way.
you wanted the guy to gift wrap the condoms
She is high at the bar - she thinks the bottle of frangelico is aunt jemima telling her to stop doing drugs.
I got a dollar bill stuffed into my bra on two separate occasions by two separate guys simply for having boobs. I feel like somewhere god is patting himself on te back while pointing at me goin "you're welcome dude." easiest two bucks I ever made.
And I just had to awkwardly tell 3 police officers that I was having sex and not in any trouble
I tried to talk to him, but he didn't recognize me at first. I had to show him the top of my head and then he remembered.
I got my little bro high for the first time... Turns out the two of us stoned together is a mess. We spent 10 minutes trying to communicate with each other using just our eyebrows.
Did you hook up with him before or after he shaved off half of his eyebrow?
That moment when you notice a tiny IR camera pointing at you, in your bed, at the apartment you found on Craigslist.
Just assume that every drink in that house has alcohol in it.
Alas my dad DD'd me. Legit cock blocked to the highest degree
Look get the dick out ur mouth and answer the phone
Randomize
