so when i dont talk to her she talks to herself...idk whats worse
Im drinking a large pickle jar full of Emergency, water and left over pickle juice and I dont care.
My brother just woke up to see me on te couch dipping hamburger buns into pizza sauce. I'm beginning to question the life choices that led to this moment.
Yeah I'm at work. Nothing like the threat of blowing chunks on passing cars to make you feel alive.
A man just sang Jennifer Lopez to me out his car window. I am not sure how I feel about this, but it is not positively.
Do you think I'm short enough to dress up in a ghost costume and go trick or treating and have people believe that I'm actually a child?
Dude did I even see you at the bar. Cause I was for sure there then the next second apparently I was crying next to my Christmas tree because nobody believed in me.
Does me being hung over take away from how professional I can be today?
That awkward moment when your boyfriend tries to have sex with his go pro on #hdporn
Well the other day she asked me how often I jerk off. So I guess things are getting semi-serious
The only alcohol at my aunts was mikes hard so I drank 9 of them and puked in the master bath
You dove at him but passed out mid dive. Shame it wasnt a costume party your superman suit wouldve been clutch in the situation
I think I pulled a muscle in my tongue.
sorry? thank you? I love you?
Do you think it's illegal to drive without your pants on?
Lol it's kinda hilarious. I left missing one glass... guage. I feel like Cinderella... but less classy.
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