She needs to learn what's it like to have sex with someone and regret it the next day.
can i drink enough to forget this semester even happened?
spring break forecast: sunny with a chance of shitshow
Yo I'm texting you while getting a bj. I know, I'm the man. Told her I was texting my mom in the hospital.
in light of our recent drunken behavior, i think it's time we seriously consider hiring ourselves a babysitter.
The fact that when I blacked in you were sober enough to kick me out of your roommates bed makes me question our friendship.
I'm pretty sure I just discovered what the American Dream is said the person eating a hotdog for breakfast in bed in her underwear
I picked up the bartender so he could open the bar early and ended up with him giving me a ride home when he closed. I like snowdays and everything, but they get really expensive. Also, I think I threw up on his front door. Not checking.
Nah. After about 5 shots he decided he needed to clean the gutters. We're headed to the hospital now so meet us there.
I'm still hammered too. I started tweeting the time at one point I'm pretty sure.
Fireball goes down like mother's milk. Btw your housemate is naked
You came out in nothing but lingerie and a Jedi robe claiming you needed more of those baby hot dog things or you were gonna go all Sith on us
He told me that he had never gotten a blow job. I sat there for a second, then thought "I MUST FIX THIS!" It was fucking fantastic.
I am so horny. It's like all the stress of finals week has relocated to my vagina.
Don't come in. My door to my bathroom won't close because of the table and I'm pooping
Classy
Randomize
