Dear everyone that texted me last night wondering where i was. i ended up face down blacked up drunk before i made it to the party. My bad
Is it sad that the only reason I haven't lapsed into depression is that I'm prettier than her?
Nah, we all need something.
oh vodka. i could write you a sonnet.
Just rolled over and realized my vodka goggles are not as functional as my beer goggles
i havent thrown up in four monthes, im clearly not drinking enough
i wrote her a fucking poem. i better get laid for that
Your penis chewing exercise is not working
Dedicating my hangover to whoever the hell I hooked up with in the bathroom last night.
just kidding, dedicating it to the gods of mexican food. omnomnom
Obviously a higher power wants us to be sunday drunk together
Dude. My cat just tried to bat the tampon string hanging from body. NOT COOL, SEYMOUR. NOT COOL.
It might've been him telling me last night that he "doesn't even need beer goggles to fuck me." When I thought that was sweet, I realized something needed to change.
I love you so must. You as do fraty. You are truly my veste breakable (ties I wtf racket Andover). Luce you. Have a safe drive bio dough failover.
You should hear the lecture my mom just gave me about cooking pizzas when im drunk because "I could have died".
The cop asked you after the breathalyzer what you think you blew and you very discreetly shouted "I'm pretty sure i blew Kyle on the way here "
View of Vancouver Bay is obscured though the greasy hand prints from fucking against the window. Tip maid well.
Randomize
