Braces and a neon one piece. She looks 15.
i'm in love
Just did a shot to pluto being a planet again. I love science.
Dude i swear to christ if he sends me one more pic of a "magnificent dump" im changing my number
BRILLIANT IDEA: In honor of summer olympics we need to start a synchronized drinking team.
also i think i should join the bone marrow registration when im sober
It's Saturday night and I'm sitting on my couch by myself, watching Glee, and drinking gin and tonics. If you listen very closely, you can hear the wails of my mother giving up hope that I will ever give her a son-in-law.
She ran over a curb, took out a yard-sale sign and hit a fence before admitting to me that she may be losing her vision "a bit". Never letting grandma drive again.
I just remembered I made you punch yourself in the face last night and I would like to formally apologize for that even though it was hilarious.
He was so energetic. It was like screwing a bunny.
He meowed while sucking on my nipple, it got even weirder when he said he was trying to moo.
you don't go into accounting for the pussy....
Welp... sober this am and I still have a parrot.
THEY'RE TEXTING LIKE MIDDLE AGED SOCCER MOMS WHAT DO I DO
my gynecologist gave me a high 5 for not getting any STD's since my last visit and said "Way to go Annabeth!" you have twenty seconds to get to my level
I know I joke about running from my problems a lot but I'm 3 miles off-campus and need a ride
Randomize
