and i forgot to tell you that my armpit hair is now completely grown back. man i love winter.
she did the YMCA with her lgs... i think she forgot she wasnt wearing any underwear
i feel like arbor mist is too classy for that. you need a colt 45
Yeah you're right. The one time when arbor mist is too classy
Girl in my class with fire painted on her face. I. need. that. weed.
what if his mom answers? its like high school, but hes 30
He broke into my apartment to check his Facebook again, the beer is all gone, and there's a new high score on pac man.
her best friend is in town and she told me that they used to fool around when they were drunk and I'd have to "help keep that from happening"
you motherfucker
Oh, I never thought you were a dick. You were one of the best morally comprised ideas I've ever had.
I just want you and your enormous dick to be my fucking rebound so we can move on with our lives
How did I pull off convincing everyone that my name is Dad? Maybe they were just distracted by my boobs.
Are you seriously getting this frustrated over a hand-job right now?
And you will die and be carried in a backpack before I allow you not to comply in this tomfoolery.
I’m drunk and naked and looking for my charger - title of my autobiography.
Dude my roommate just peed out the window
I just bartered a blowjob for the ex-fiancée's engagement ring. FTW!
Randomize
