tonight, alcohol would be proud of us
she was giving me head and that cheryl crow 'youre favorite mistake' song came on. she looks up and all i could do was nod
I will probably be peed on at some point today.
She has either a C-Section scar or a bullet wound, I can't quite tell
She told me she was eating frosting, then I got the weirdest boner ever
I left my coke in the bird nest in the bathroom stall last night but I found it nest and all in my purse I love morning suprises
The resort was totally empty, just June and I. Which of course lead to EXCESSIVE day drinking and outdoor fucking. FYI Dominicans LOVE to watch.
I have a to do list for the summer and thing one is figuring out my sexual orientation
You brought a jar of mayonnaise to bed. It doesn't get any worse than that.
I can never have sex in Utah again. The altitude had me breathing like a fat kid going up stairs.
My dog just ran downstairs with my vibrator in her mouth... during my dad's birthday dinner.
I kinda forgave him after he laid next to me and rubbed my arm for four hours while I tripped balls.
The last thing I remember is being given a cup full of absinthe and deciding I needed to wear my tool belt
You were returned to the hotel by someone wearing a priest costume and carrying knives.
I swear it’s like he’s filling my soul via my vagina
No I feel the same as usual. Mopey with a chance of bitch fits.
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