My pee smelled like sake this morning it was sooo disgusting.
Going to bed naked. Too bad I am all alone. Need to make some changes. Either sleep with clothes or with you
what ever happened to devon sawa?
fuck...who knows?
i'm really worried about him.
franzia sundays are my new favorite holiday
Is there a card that says "Sorry I got drunk at your Christmas party and tried to steal your monogrammed hand towels so that I could give you something nice for Christmas"?
no, that was the night I slathered your dick in the icing from my birthday cake
We learned a lot about one another. I showed him around the town I grew up in and he informed me that he has had a threesome and killed a cat
so the x-ray technician didnt buy my story of falling off a curb. she said a fall of that height couldnt snap the bone that way. bitch called me a drunken idiot too. if she wasnt so hot i'd be angry
I have got to stop taking so many uppers and downers simultaneously. My life is a Dali painting.
On my way home from the dentist. Was going to call and see if you would like to wake and bake, then remembered my sister is an adult
Senior week was like trying to herd cats. Very drunk cats.
Ok, now help me add to my topless picture collection, i'm going to make myself a calendar
That awkward moment when the guy you were hitting on at the bar last night is a possible suspect in a murder case.
I'm too drunk to make ramen. What the fuck is this.
Why does my mask smell like doritoes?
Randomize
