I got drunk at the beach today. I got the word Badass! tatooed all the way across my foot. Probably a bad idea.
god. i hate danny gokey.
Hes like the kid in school that reminds the teacher they forgot to assign homeowrk.
he's mormon right? lame.
If I'm going to go gay, i'm not going to go for a tiny dick.
laying naked on couch sucking water through straw. i can still feel the orgasm from last night. thank you mdma.
Unless you've also woken up wearing a poncho and a ring pop, I suggest you don't judge me. Okay, I even judged myself for that.
Dude you filled up a protein shake mixer with White Russians so you didn't have to keep coming upstairs.
This stupid maranara sauce stain sucks. It keeps distracting me and it looks like I'm staring at my tits.
Fuckin' raining men in my bedroom while I'm trying to drunk eat a rather large portion of pasta. Like shoo I already picked who I'm sleeping with. Pasta wins.
I'd marry him just to keep his penis in the country
He got in a shopping cart outside of home depot and insisted we push him down a flight of stairs. For science.
for the record im never blowing a guy on the toilet again, that was sad and degrading
She text me that night and asked how the dick was and I quote my drunk self "average at best"
Stop talking and go back to bed. You're in the kitchen in your underwear and slept in your car.
Yeah I'm just gonna stay here and spread my horniness to the world.
He stopped eating me out to remind me to look at the stars
Randomize
