remember them days when you seriously wanted your mom to marry rev run and we would always talk shit about justine?
joeyyyy why you always taken cheeseburgers from me?!?!?!
naighbors jacking off again. i swear its his friday night ritual, its like he knows the night wont be ending in his favor
I have been standing totally still for the past 6 minutes because I was convinced my foot was tied to the ground. It turns out it was a string of hair strewn across my foot
He plays me like an instrument...he is the Carlos Santana of my vagina.
you were watching the nanny crying, saying I wish I was that thin eating twinkies. THAT DRUNK.
I have a question: does pizza dipped in chili sound good or am I just really high?
I believe I won the Golden Vodka Bottle of sadness last night for crying while being party boyed.
just had a very awkward conversation with the concierge at the hotel, they threw your underwear out
I just made a cocktail. Had one shot of vodka left. It looked lonely so I decided to reunite it with its vodka friends in my bloodstream.
Starting the day at 1:44 in the afternoon. With a hot pocket and a mixer. Who knew my life had this kind of possibility.
Bro. Some kids just drive-by judged the shit outta me.
my spring break was before theirs and i literally fed him vodka all week, only stopping for class and bowls. like handles. i cant even think anymore, that chastity belt was hard to get off,
I miss using glorious as an adjective. I'm gonna start doing that again. And I'm gonna try to get cuntatrosphe in there some more, too.
Despite popular belief cocaine is not a good pre-workout
I feel like too many of my sentences start of with "Hey, fuckface!"
I miss my bedroom and my bed and being able to spray myself with my choice of 15 different perfumes so I don't have to wake up to the smell of my past sins
Randomize
