so hey instead of everyone buying me a birthday present can everyone just pitch in for my abortion?
i swear i just saw perry the platypus. the fuck dude. i shouldnt even know who that is
I tried ok? my penis just doesnt like her as much as my mother does
His glasses broke on the way to the bar aNd he ended up talking to this butterface all night. I didn't have the heart to tell him
I love having a boyfriend. I just ate pancakes with regular syrup and chocolate syrup, I havent shaved my legs in a week, and Im still going to get laid tonight.
fuck. you.
Dude, I went home and roller-bladed into her bedroom so I didn't have a 'walk' or shame in the morning..I wouldn't talk to her unless she refereed to me as Brink
My dad got me a charm braclet....his way of trying to support my gayness....
I have dibs on his crisis of faith.
She just made out with a golden retriever. I'm disgusted and turned on all at once
Ok thats great. so just to recap: you fucked a billionare in his penthouse last night, and I had a glass of wine on the toilet.
I'm going to become fluent in fucking Belgian boys
I realize that my conversation topics seem to only be about bees and my cross dressing fiance. Thank you for being my friend.
Excuse me I just made a hot pocket without burning down the house, I think i can do anything.
He wanted to take me to breakfast in the morning. He told me he respects me after I said no. I told him to respect me at a distance.
Had to trim my nails cus they got too long to effectively finger myself with
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