I understand how i shit in my shoes, but explain why you were wearing them.
girl has like over 50 stars tattooed on her front, side and back. feels like i just fucked the universe.
I'm about to tackle a 10 year old off a sea doo
Your braces fetish is going to end up biting you in the dick.
I heard porn and smelled bacon cooking. I knew you had to be home.
just had a memory of me telling homeless mark that it was the year of the bunny and he said "you da bunny, girl"
I went back to the party but by then they were all sitting on the floor in the dark listening to we are the champions on full blast.
Considering how much money I just spent on slutty lingerie, it is totally appropriate for me to be plucking my nipple hair right now. Right?
If kinky sex was an Olympic sport they would be playing the anthem for me as we speak.
She called his dick the colossus. I dont give a fuck if shes his wingman, I gotta see this natural wonder
If thou doesn't answer thou phone thou shall receive a barrage of Dick pics. It's the eleventh commandment.
Sex and sushi don't even sound good right now... I might be on my death bed. To my Liz, I leave my extensive movie collection and my drinking supplies. To Olive I leave my car. Cause every Scottish terrier needs a 2010 Camaro.
Ever had one of those went so hard last night you woke up at the foot of the bed naked wondering where your phone ended up?
If you are refering to the duckling living in your bath...I can explain, but before I do, can you throw a peice of bread in there?
If you fucking touch my phone and text people, drunk or sober, ever again, i will shove a swizle stick up your pee hole.
Randomize
