She told me she only masterbates to Kenny Rogers songs.
OMG. What did u say?
I told her I did too.
Let's perk you up. I have a good PG joke and a picture of my penis while urinating. You pick.
Ive had to apologize to every girl i know today because of you
eye of the tiger was playing while i pooped... it totally helped.
I thought about farting is his face when he was going down on me last nite.
I'm sorry. I think I have multiple personalities. Or it was the acid. Either way. I'm sorry.
i'm forwarding you the dirty picture of that fat girl that likes me sent . i feel like since youre my best friend you should puke in your mouth too .
The girls at the police department photocopied my drinking ticket and told me to frame it and hang it on my wall. Then they gave me a free muffin and told me to party smarter next time.
I mean, with your nipple problem im surprised. #hangacoatonem
I am sorry. I am also on acid.
I feel like I shouldn't be encouraging my friends to hook up with their teachers.....but if it's for academic reasons....then I definitely encourage it.
I just ate the lyft drivers bacon cheeseburger. Well fuck me this night escalated quickly.
Hey what are you up to?
I am wear the people with the mustaches live. I have found their home.
DUDE, WE BOUGHT THE ACID TOGETHER.
A guy at my table is reading a magazine called "Cheese Connoisseur"
He's a security blanket. A security blanket who FUCKS.
Randomize
