Drunk in a bar in Texas. The 24 y/o hottie I am chatting up just called me a male cougar. I am dealing with this whole turning 40 thing juuuust fine.
If its vodka, everyone is attractive. Tequila, everyone is dead sexy, single and fuckable.
New universal law, if a movie has a Rob Zombie song in it, its probably a bad movie.
Did you seriously take investment advice from our coke dealer?
you are not perverted enough for this relationship to work out.
Some guy thought i was the waitress and handed me his credit card. drinks on me.
I miss you more than I would miss junk food if I went on a diet. And you've seen me eat, you know how desperate I'd be.
Ginormous penis in the breeze, cumming champagne showers into your eye
I have nothing to lose. And a bunch of dick to gain.
I remeber being on the roof last night and we put our heads togeather and we touched each others face and said "Hennessyyyy"
I think he's like 40 and maybe a little sociopathetic and i have never been so turned on
Another text to add to the intervention pile, i see
We're listening to drake in the middle of the woods and smoking two joints at once...my life is complete.
I just told 2 of my vibrators "I love you." I seriously need some dick.
What am I supposed to say? "Oh hey, I can't go out with you tonight because I can't picture myself sleeping with you and I was high and just trying to be nice when I said yes"?
i really didnt think i was that drunk last night but the txts from unknwn #s that say i like your lace panties are def telling me otherwise
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