I've come to the conclusion that if I was an old man, I would perve around in short gym shorts for kicks.
I think the sex offender registry is kind of a VIP list. You get to not live near noisy schools and parks and all your neighbors get to know you.
Tbell employee was shuffling through my bag, calling off each item i ordered to make sure it was all there. I stopped him halfway through with "guy, don't worry, I'm high as shit, I'll eat anything."
my fart just smelled so bad i acutally gagged
just because you are now my girlfriend does not mean you can text me nasty shit
she added me on facebook and her celebrity doppelganger is rosie odonnel. FUCK
Then he took his girlfriend's fuzzy handcuffs and locked me to their bed. Key is in an unknown location. He's surprisingly idiotic, for being premed.
She is feeding us popcorn out of her bra
scream really loud. we think you crawled under the deck
U can find me on my couch hungover eatin tuna evaluating my life
I gave the bathroom attendant $5 last night for turning the sink on for me. What. The. Fuck.
Now I can't say for certain but I'm 90 percent are I bathed myself with dog shampoo last night
This guy on Hoarders just said "we're all about 4 or 5 decisions away from shitting in a bucket". True dat
If it exists, I've probably pregamed it.
Once you find out someone has a small dick, you never look at them the same again.
I know I may be showing my age by saying this but this is the first time I have been eaten out in the parking lot behind the Clairmont Inn since 1990
Randomize