pwbgyin
what?
penguin condom
dude, the reading rainbow guy was just talking to a HOLOGRAM
Are you sure you're not watching Star Trek?
wait... oh
Two girls down stairs, two girls up stairs and....
We've got ourselves a situation
High as balls & about to be tanning. Helloooo 15 minute vacay.
He said I came instead of I'm coming. I wonder if he noticed my state of confusion when I stopped blowing him.
Wasn't he an English major?
I have been way too involved with your nipples this weekend
FYI I just found your friend. Asleep. In. My. Kayak. In. Pool.
Absolute soulmates or functional alcoholics?
Can't be the first without the last
God and karma are having a fucking field day with my body today.
We should probably start extreme couponing for the morning after pill.
I am googling "notable people who had syphilis"
I walked in on him jerking it to videos of UFC fighters. The most awkward part: he didn't stop when I walked in.
She's seen your dick through your pants. You don't need to ask
I'm sitting at my kitchen table alone dressed as a dinosaur smoking bowls in the dark. Is this rock bottom? Or is this living the dream? Who's to say
I'm drinking on a Thursday because I can
Today is Wednesday you jobless drunk
Randomize
