In all seriousness though I just found out the dog pissed in my bed it'd be nice to crash somewhere other than my couch while my piss soaked bedding is in the washer
He looks like Jesus, if Jesus had let himself go.
Who is John, and why is his named carved into our toilet?
I just got a bj @ my old preschool...my childhood memories r all ruined
theres gunna be a new season of 16 and pregnant on mtv...WHERE DO THEY KEEP FINDING THESE IGNORANT PREGNANT GIRLS
I just want a box on franzia all to myself. Just me, my wine, my tears, & my self loathing.
Almost peed between 2 cars...till I realized that it's daytime and I'm sober.
Thanksgiving Shitshow: My grandparents found me passed out on the bathroom floor wearing nothing but a scarf made of toilet paper
He wanted to feed hamburgers to the homeless... as a first date... who the fuck is this kid
i came home to her naked eating chilli on the living room floor. Stop giving her jager.
bro your seconds weren't very sloppy last night, is everything ok?
You were, but he disappeared after you said you wanted him to get you pregnant so you'd have a child by the time the Boy Meets World sequel starts
Because 9 pm Thursday you drink a loco cause you just wanna get drunk and have a good time with your friends. Then you wake up on Tuesday and you've had 17 locos and you're pregnant, lying on the side of the road, 3 states over. THAT'S why we don't have only locos parties.
I am luring the porn star to my house with chicken!
It's probably not a good thing when it isn't even 6:30 and I've already drank an entire bottle of wine. By myself. I'm watching Spice World and I just bought 2 Spice Girls albums off itunes.
Make that 3 Spice Girls albums.
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