I texted him to clear the air a bit, apologized if I freaked him out. No reply. So I'm gonna go ahead and fuck someone in a barn tonight.
So, Southern Comfort will donate 25 cents for every bottle sold towards Gulf Coast Relief... Can we save the wetlands through my alcoholism?
The cab driver had me sign for the payment and I was like give me a second while I throw up right outside your door.
I can neither confirm or deny any bear related allegations right at this time.
I woke up naked in his kitchen...His name is Mike and we're having a "what happened last night" beer.
Also, horsecock action starts in about a month. Have you prepared yourself yet?
I sobered up and saw I was with the fat one and you had left laughing with the hot one. You're a terrible wingman, but an excellent manipulator
Hey my vagina is like a company. Everyone has an equal opportunity....
just woke up and currently drinking copious amounts of eggnog straight from the carton to replenish the electrolytes lost last night
Easter bunny might get some gnarly munches and not even have enought candy left to hand out
Do you know how hard it is to put a bandaid on a vagina?
Would I be crazy if I drove 1,000 miles for some dick? What mile does it become ridiculous?
I didn't think you were that drunk until you were trying to rub your foot on my vag under the table at the thai place.
Also you think METH is on the same level of wanting to see the movie cats? We’re gonna unpack that later
Just bedazzled a flask, while drinking out of it. Hot glue is EVERYWHERE.
Randomize
