I am really glad that on the inside of a card from your grandparents you have transcribed the rules for circle of death
We're going on a mission for new porn. And ice cream.
I cant help but queef when the male extremity enters
What is a male extremity?
i didnt realize it was that long since you've had sex
I'm drinking reisling in a paper cup by myself in the garage.
So the guy sitting next to me is watching dungeons and dragons on youtube. I didnt realize you could get more pathetic than actually playing the game.
she was seriously choking and the whole time all he kept saying was "that's what she said"
double majoring has taught me only that psych majors are sluttier than govt majors
he's washing the lighter in the sink and telling me to picture unicorns. requesting backup.
Crashed the mayor's bday party, no list for some reason. Wore suits. Ludacris was there.
Going to the beach. Greeting Sandy with a blunt. Wish us luck!
Turn on the Discovery Channel
Lets fuck to motorcycle gang fighting
He went down on me for an hour and a half. He needs to get promoted more often.
WHY didn't you stop me from ordering $900 worth of socks last night when I was very obviously judgement impaired at the time?!?!
I’m getting reeeeaaalll tired of telling cute boys I gave them chlamydia.
That’s two in three months. You really know how to live.
dont ever go to laser tag drunk. you will be judged.
Randomize
