Broke my phone, have no voice AND I was blackout by 3 p.m...I'm betting I had a great time.
We are allowed to think Jacob from Twilight is hot in 468 days!
I don't know what is sadder, the fact that you figured that out or the fact that I can't wait until then!!
fuck dude i blacked out on a tuesday. what am i doing with my life?
Winning.
Eric and I got kicked off of karaoke last night. Apparently, singing about masturbation to the tune of "A Whole New World" is not appropriate and definitely frowned upon by the DJ.
Just told him about my threesome. if that doesn't make him want to date me nothing will.
If thou arrisest to consciousness before I, rise me to an office of alertness for occupations such as brunch. Warm Regards, your roommate.
You said that my dog would "complete your puzzle" then you got naked and took it behind the bar
You would be my first round pick for a drinking team
One day, tell me please to stop buying shots when I'm overwhelmed. I might have just broken a tooth
people came up our fire escape and one had a cut on his leg and he was beautiful so i told him i was an emt and bandaged it with princess bandaids
I went to bed at ten on a Friday night I have virtues to spare
Let's play another riveting game of "Whose boxers are hanging on my fence?"
I'll just tell you, some how when we were having sex on Friday my collarbone got fractured.
I need to stop challenging people to taking off clothes. I win too often
That was the first time ive ever slept with a girl with a q in her name
Randomize
