I hope you have a really shitty weekend. I love you.
I wonder what it would be like to masturbate in space
I'm fucked up. I can't drink anymore. We stole a cat.
New justification for blow: drug week; 'how it's made'
probably one of the worst weekends ever... i got peed on by his sleepwalking roommate.
I think I just got judged by the pizza guy. dude, you deliver fucking pizza. you need rethink YOUR life.
Seriously, I woke you up with tacos, I think I deserve the best girlfriend ever award
I want to name my colorful bowl Batman. Why? I still have yet to figure it out. But I'm calling it Batman.
Noo.... Like in the attic of a crack house with nitrous and fat chicks weird....
Like what did he say to his host family? The girl I causally sleep with on the weekends is coming over?! And they thought "well lets feed her dinner"
If by some world ending natural disaster I get into an actual relationship with this kid, should I tell him the truth about the web of lies I've based our current relationship on?
Turns out the creepy dude who bought us tequila shots was the friend of a friend who then got us a table and several large bottles of champagne.
Never judge a man by his mustache.
There was a comma in between her and dick. I was calling you a dick. Jesus.
Can't we just go back to fucking and having your boyfriend think you're completely straight?
Mike's not allowed to drink vodka anymore. He couldn't get his temporary tattoos (stickers) to stick so he super glued them on.
Randomize
