She had hickeys... what's up with that?? HAHAHA
Im interpreting your silence as a silent plea for me to come wake you up. See you soon.
They're drinking Schnapps out of Spaghetti-o's cans. Please come pick me up.
I'm drinkin whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
he has been on a 2 week bender, has been homeless for a week and a half, and leaves for madagascar in 2 days. Do we worry or is that normal?
one of the service guys here said i licked ranch off your face lastnight
its really sad that i have to specifically make this a rule but, absolutely no lighting smoke bombs indoors at my birthday party.
Pretty sure I was rubbing Halloween candy all over my face and saying "these are my bitches."
They drank shots out of my cleavage. Surprisingly, the one who did the best was a gay guy.
I've said it before and I'll say it again: your tits are a danger to gay men everywhere.
My final act is to send you this message. I love you. Tell my family that I love them. Except my dad. Tell him I said "Eh..." while rocking your hand side to side. And tell Tim that I will always love the idea of him. Tell Caleb I love him so. Take care of Miss Kitty Fantastico. Tell the world that I will watch over. Good bye. I love you.
I have good news and bad news. Bad news, she's not in porn. Good news, I found porn.
Ah. Hot spring. Infinitely less skeevy than a hot tub. These North Carolinian dudes are all class.
Happy "I'm glad our dad made us sisters and then summarily downgraded himself to sperm donor" day.
I just showed this kid my nipples to work my shift tmw
I fucked a 6 foot tall guy who has abs showing without even flexing... I am a wizard and I have magical powers.
Randomize
