Too much gin, very little bucket
Hi, my name's audrey!
Max?
Sorry, this girl is phone-stealing drunk.
Worst part of St. Paddy's...me drunkenly crying to a U2 cover band.
Hahaha you puked all over his shirt.
You puked in the planter and everyone saw your snatch.
Well someones bitter they didn't get any.
Or I die of a heart attack, which is the more likely/less fun scenario.
Whatever dude, I don't feel bad about it. If my girlfriend finds out even SHE should give me a high five. That bitch was fine
we are all four or five tequila-induced decisions away from shitting in a bucket, come get me please.
I swear, he has the body awareness of an acid-tripping quadriplegic.
mate, my mother watched me threw up out of my nose wearing only a g-string.
Member that time when we got super drunk and had fun and fell in love
I remember it like it was tomorrow.
I just messaged a senior at Harvard and told him to 'tinder me softly'
I have visions of guys in cheetah costumes with suits over it pissing on a children how are you
He passed out. I tried to set his chest hair on fire.
We broke up. My life is now 7 inches less.
Here's a rundown of my night alone. Danced my ass off in the kitchen to FleetmacWood. Drank a little bit. Ordered $40 worth of Chinese food once the drinks kicked in. Picked up said Chinese in dirty sweatpants and slippers. #livinglife
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