i want tt clbm rinabw nd ride uncrn
what?
i wnt tto climb a rainboww and ride a unicornnnnnnnnn
he couldn't find his key, so we just had sex on his parent's porch while we waited for his mom to get home.
Chick stood right next to me in the elevator. Like she had the whole elevator and she stood right next to me. So I farted.
Don't worry we did the "promise to get an abortion" handshake
I knew things were bad when I walked in on you feeding juice to your iPhone
The length of my leg hair is a constant reminder of how long it's been since I even thought I had a chance of getting laid.
PUB CRAWL IS THE WEEK I COME BACK FROM NOLA OMG OMG OMG. Has it been a year already since I tried to make out with you and you let a bar tender take a shot out of your cleavage? Time flies.
do you remember showing me a picture of your husbands penis last night?
yea! the mushroom one. i would only show you.
And it was in that moment when I realized that these high schoolers looked up to me and that I should set a good example. So I stole a casserole and left.
You don't know how skeptical I was about letting a guy with braces go down on me
I dare you to find another dealer that delivers bud to your home along with deep fried vegan burritos
Please don't try and hook up with one of your high school teacher's friends
Dude I woke up with a handprint shaped bruise on my ass, a pong ball in my cleavage, and somebody else's gold chain around my neck. Who's house am I in?
I just mixed tangerine juice with sauv blanc. on an unrelated note, my episide of intervention is slated to run in April.
I swear to god, I'm like....the Jedi master of dick.
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