I have no idea where we are. But it doesn't look dirty so I don't think we are in jersey yet
Whatever. We're stealing a penguin. Your not allowed near him... You did this to yourself.
I found them in the kitchen microwaving bottle rockets chanting U.S.A U.S.A U.S.A
If we both stop thinking about your penis for just a moment, we'd realize it is important and good that you are spending quality time with your family
she made out with a stripper. how was scrabble night with your girlfriend
you kept looking at stripers and saying " Go to College"
Nobody knows who the hobo or dude who whipped out his balls is
i wondered why i had so many splinters in my hand, then i went out to my car and remembered id stolen an entire cactus
I'm expecting you to come by soon and a magical night of sex and floating on clouds to follow.
He just whispered "doors are weird" and then laughed so hard he fell down the stairs.
Hung over and there is no way in the world I can make this mess look good today. Only solution is to stay drunk.
So my roommate just came out of the shower with a dude...guess that answers all questions as to whether or not he's gay
Fyi - we're going to be eating those sandwiches in bed when you get home.
There is a woman in the stall next to me giving a pep talk to her daughter that wants to call off her wedding. I'm afraid to pee!
And on the way out from Applebee's he tried to take the basket of toothpicks claiming he was using them as a tax write off. Last time I babysit my dad on thirsty Thursday.
Randomize
