There are 3 speedbumps now up. Think you can manage the urge to piss on them?
Aw shit! That's like putting me a in a room full of Captiain Crunch Donuts and Jasper Hale and not letting me put my mouth on either.
I saved $70 from being to drunk to go out last night so I figured I could buy a new watch.
I woke up at 5 this morning face down on my bed with gummy bears stuffed in my leggings. Yeah.
We haven't even started dating yet but I already decided I'm going to cheat on her
In my defense it was my birthday and I really wanted to do it.
the girl next to me at the bar JUST looked down at her vagina and said "im going to get you fed". if i come home alone tonight...i give you permission to cut off my penis
I just realized my mom and I make the same noises when we have sex. Fuck.
Green mimosas i think yes
I have to talk to myself and be all "you are NOT horny tonight"
The cop was more concerned with the syringes on the dash board than looking for the source of the smoke. Thank god for diabetes!
Plus now I feel weird sleeping with you. It's like shooting a three legged deer. It's already at a disadvantage and couldn't get what it's full potential deserves.
It's a little weird that I'm blowing my wingman.
Well, you've continued the theme of living with people who's dicks I've sucked.
Phil and I agree that the level of sand in your vagina rivals that of many of the earth's largest deserts
I would but he’s not speaking to me because I put ketchup in his socks.
Randomize
