He spelled "beautiful" wrong in his text
i just fell asleep at my computer and i woke up and in the google bar it said delicious foods to eat
speaking of unleashing monsters, we need to get condoms
She pulled a cheeseburger out of her purse. I have missed her so much.
some how when im high sleep beats hunger...its like how paper beats rock it doesnt make any fucking sense but it still happens
don't worry about the poodle she's always like that. she's like 14 years old and ate a bag of weed when she was a puppy.
so its official, girls can see a boner through my snuggie.
There's a skateboard on the patio and all the chips are gone. The note on the fridge says 'don't buy cheese'. Stop letting her go outside.
that beer fried lasagna last night was sooo good
that wasnt beer fried lasagna, you just poured beer on my lasagna
I lost my keys but found four buffalo wings in my pockets
She slapped his drink out of his hand to get him to leave the bar while he and I were having an intense debate about the lyrics to mmmbop
I think we need to teach you what straight means again
I told my therapist about the other night and he actually whistled and said "wow that is not good."
I ate so much cake that I can't even enjoy a blowjob
That's the most first world problem I've ever heard in my life.
Idk I've taught my 18 month old how to say nipple so kids aren't all bad
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