the only girl from my high schools graduating class coming to our school next year went stag to prom and still has braces...
dibs.
Bring booze and chicks. Separate, or one already in the other. Your call.
she quoted hannah montana in her facebook status. i will never be speaking to her in person again.
Just crushed a xanax into my chewing gum. Its gonna be a long, fucking up flight...
Im holding a competition......who saw me last, and who knows how my nose got bruised? you earn points for answering either question. and for bringing me water.
We just had to use a designated driver to get to night class.
constantly striving to make life awkward and more complicated, one drunk bone at a time.
Watching the dude who probably knocked me up be all cute with his girlfriend on my couch. I am too nice, and I hate today.
Your mother may get texts again about women putting dog food up their vaginas and asking for it to be licked.
i need to stop establishing animals as safe words. Giraffe and Penguin are really awkward words to say during sex
Let's play "Guess What I Just Found In My Vagina?"
Lol I'm not having group sex with you, that apron is fuckin awesome tho
I PUT IT IN THE UNIVERSE THAT I WANTED TO STAB HIM AND THEN SOMEONE DID! KARMA IS A BITCH AND SHE IS BEAUTIFUL!
I went in the hotel's jacuzzi fully clothed, threw up in the bathroom half an hour later and woke up naked next to Dr. Seuss' "Oh the Places You'll Go"
I want you to remember that you started masturbating in front of a car full of people. That drunk.
Randomize