That girl's pussy is like White Castles, you crave it once in awhile, but you know next morning you regret eating it.
no, i will not be your spotter when you masturbate with a noose around your neck
My mom is wearing Ed Hardy. There aren't words.
Their bromance is so intense that they don't even eye-fuck when they see each other....they eye-make-love.
Theres a picture of you standing next to a John Wayne cardboard cutout that says dont drink and drive. your buddy is shirtless holding a beer and youre holding your keys up with marker on your face.
I guess I made wings because there's chicken everywhere. Even on the walls. 3 of them. It's like a chicken grave yard.
Also I'm very proud of th fact that I walked my dog before bed. Drunk dog walking should be an Olympic sport; it takes SKILLS.
I'm ready to take a few years of my life this weekend
So, my ex just showed me the drunk voicemail we left him last night. Started out with me saying "I think it's Shane." Then you took my phone and started singing a song about peanut butter, train tracks, and tequila. I joined in. On the upside, he said he's totally fine with being on the drunk dial list from now on. Soooo, another tequila night??
you said I shouldn't try to fill the void in my meaningless life with dicks but i am trying and it totally works
Charles Manson is Getting Married and I stare down at my tits and wonder how I am possibly single.
I wouldn't be able to live with myself if I blew a Trump supporter.
It was extremely weird and uncomfortable mid blow job she looks up and says " tell me Simon Cowell makes your dick hard"
We stood outside the room listening to them have sex and making meow noises
That's not right, is it?
Dude, running 15 min late.
Let's play a game, you pay for all the drinks I can finish before you get here. Go.
Randomize
