At dinner I grabbed his hand and he screamed "mom she just grabbed my penis" the proceeded to shove my hand down his pants! Hello Mr.Dick!
he woke me up at 3 am to ask me where my plunger, a towel, and staples were. i'm afraid to go into my bathroom.
So about class tomorrow..... i,ll be there. But I may be still a bit drink and wearing a suit. I'll explain when I get there.
I do. There's a bald headed guy whose kinda hot. I might rub his head. I've only had 2 beers
The cab driver thought we were passed out so he called a sexline...
I mean, yeah, she was cheating on me but I've been fucking her brother. My secret relationship trumps her secret relationship.
There has to be a way to make college graduation in Las Vegas different than any other Tuesday in Las Vegas. Strippers? Been there. Getting arrested for public indecency on the strip? Done that.
wanna mail me your GoPro for St.Patties and I'll mail it back to you coverend in puke?
Can we discuss your tits for a sec? That melon patch sprung up over night
he was like "can i get a kiss" and i was like "can i get a taco"
He called some chick he used to fuck for cash to get food delivered to cheer me up
You're just a heartbreaker with a knitting problem
It's acceptable to bring him back to my parents house and fuck on the couch right??
I believe you can. But if you can have rum with breakfast then do that. Definitely do that.
i feel as though me waking up and asking her if i went to the hospital was a sign that i was not okay
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