I think someone spiked my drink last night. .. Like all 20 of them.
I wish i could convert my hornyness to productiveness. I would have written a fucking book by now.
You all can go fuck yourselves. As far as I'm concerned, don't come back to karaoke.
Deffinety need to stop having sex on the beach just took a dump and it was mostly sand
His hospital is closing...I consider it "sorry you're losing your job" sex.
I popped a zit on your vagina. Don't say I never loved you.
thanks. im glad you find me better in your comparison between me and fat girl porn.
Just rescued a super cute pair of Gucci heels off the sorority lawn on my way to work. Things are worth two paychecks. Fuck trust fund kids.
Are you alive?
I googled "I don't want to vomit anymore," and "how to rip out your uvula," at 9 am this morning, but I'm still here. Uvula and all.
Best part of having a window in your office is that you can leave through it when you shit your pants at work.
I sent him a pic of my tits and he said "Word." I need a drink.
So the bartender tried kicking me out but i screamed im an RA you cant kick me out
Breaking into his house to steal the sheets I'd drunk pissed on before he got home was not how I wanted to be spending spring break
who is the naked dude on the coffee table
thats jeff, jeff is nice so don't be rude
I mixed Jack with hot chocolate. This may be the best or worst idea ever. I have yet to find that out
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