I can't disclose who, but one time I called someone, they didn't pick up, and immediately texted back 'will call later, masturbating'
I thought that was really considerate
thanks for house sitting, cat must be hiding again... everything go ok?
... about that ...
mornings like this make me wish i was morman.
Wish i knew that 10 minutes ago when i told him to dance with my blackberry while i got another drink
I know you didn't add your TWO random hook ups from the weekend to your FB friends AND change your status to "Good Catholic Girl" on the same day.
September 16th, captains log. I awoke in a daze, not sure of my location
shes the only person ive ever met that could make "i don't swallow" sound sexy
This is your liver's 7:15 wake up call. Mandatory margarita popsicles after work today. Rule #71: no excuses, play like a champ!
Because i love you. And people show love by not letting their friends shit themselves.
its 2pm. u awake yet?
ill text u back later. still peeling fingernail polish off my face.
I just sent my ex off to a party, threw a condom at him, and told him to make good choices.
Just an FYI i'm going to get drunk as shit while you are on duty and attempt to not fall into the bathtub again.
Rodger that.
Girl, he's like catnip for my pussy.
God doesn't care if you're a paramedic, you can't do that to someones cat and still get into heaven
I'm pretty sure I smell like alcoholism and shame. And it's not a pretty scent.
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