is that paris hilton dressed up as the guy from star trek who hosts reading rainbow
So baked. Thought the twigs on the sidewalk were caterpillars with the ability to harden in self defense. Had to pick one up to be sure.
Having an 'SDSU Mom' sticker is just like say 'Hi, my daughter has an std"
I often get tempted to walk up to her drunk ass and say, "shouldn't you be taking care of your kid?"
dude i woke up in a pile of chocolate chips. this has to stop happening
Maybe he just has a boisterous penis
THERE ARE ENTIRELY TOO MANY HOT UNDERAGE GIRLS HERE FOR THIS TO REMAIN LEGAL.
We're 17 hours into a 3 day weekend, and he's already shitfaced. He fell of the dock TWICE and insisted on wearing a life jacket on dry land.
Hey, what did you end up doing with those ski goggles?
Anything is possible. I didn't even know I was wearing the toilet cover as a hat
It's like they're playing jeopardy and the category is "things that make women dry."
Would it be weird to jack off in the hospital?
Question: what's the protocol for seeing your mistress walking alongside her clueless boyfriend? If you could answer this ten minutes ago, that'd be great.
Three months into our sexual relationship, he comes out with "Your body is efficient". WTF do I do with THAT?
If I'm getting through this pandemic I'm doing it drunk.
My boyfriend's mom is the manager of Wendy's. The same one I took a pregnancy test in.
Randomize
