Rocking a Headband at the strip club, because of Rock of Love this shit is like their kryptonite, I smell like stripper butter and back child support.
What can I expect? While all of my friends are getting married, all of his friends are tripping on robitussin
The only thing the cop asked me is..... "how are you still alive"?
no seriously, she's legit pissed i'm late to lunch because i was watching full house. there's obviously no future here.
Whatever dude, I don't feel bad about it. If my girlfriend finds out even SHE should give me a high five. That bitch was fine
Man in California was arrested for killing and eating a wild bobcat while high on crystal meth. Let's please NEVER get that high on anything...
Was behind a guy going 20 for 4 miles I'll be there as soon as the universe quits fucking me
i wonder if cab drivers are trained in the art of delivering girls back to their dorms on Saturday mornings. because mine was so nice that he dropped me off at the back of my building so no one would see me.
Literally the only reason we didnt get arrested was because the cop said I reminded him of Steve Stifler from American Pie
I put ketchup in a girls hair last night. I need a sorry balloon
He put those pics of him with those girls on facebook and tagged his wife in them
Tequila 1 marriage 0
That's a lot of judgement coming from a man wearing a dress made from a bedsheet.
Showed up to the airport to find my fuck buddy is on the same flight. Do you think he'd be intertested in the mile high club?
Omg the sex was so good my ears popped. Thank god too. Cause then I didn't have to hear him going on and on about his dumbass feelings. It's called a booty call bitch.
my roommates are pretty pissed at me. they sent me out for ice and i came back with a kitten.
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