Riddle me this. What had unbelievable sex, and finally understands the meaning that things come better in pairs?
I hate you
Farted during a conference call.SBD. permeated the room people were gonna puke.noone could say anything or leave cus we were on the phone with clients. coworkers were outraged.how I still have a job is beyond me.
After what u did to that bathroom I think the $30 and the "sorry I'm a jackass" note was the thing to do.
My Grampa even called her out for being a cock block at the bar...it was that serious
someone needs to get her out of the garbage can shes never gonna forgive us for this
She gave him a lap dance on the glass table. You can guess how that ended
you covered his dog in toothpaste. safe to say hes not gonna call you.
On the bright side his mom approves of me. Though it's apparently because she sleeps with married men and has a soft spot for "fellow homewreckers"
karaoke mosh pit has descended into fisticuffs, send backup
we spent fifteen minutes trying to convince you that you weren't locked inside of your car
Woke up in a wet suit with my junk cut out. In a strange apartment. Just found thing biggest bong u have ever seen. WHERE ARE YOU?!?!?!
How the hell do you leave a party with a kitten? It's missing and everyone knows it was you.
When you text me tomorrow to remind me to mail your parking pass, also remind me to make sure i did NOT pack my vibrator for this family vacation
Did I really just send a work email with cum instead of come? feck me
All I remember is an overwhelming desire for chicken nuggets...
Yes, you pinned my brother to the floor by the throat and threatened to slaughter his family if he didn't drive to mcdonalds and get you some.
Randomize
