I think even Ryan Seacrest is disgusted with the thought of Ryan Seacrest getting some.
he's having a long distance Facebook-coordinated power hour. the status update has 159 comments ...
Heading to the gym, the one that guy said he goes to. Already checked online, his class is at 5. And no, this isn't too much after meeting him last night. Stop judging me,
just when i thought i had forgotten how badthe sex was he comes across campus solely to say hi
Emily is drunk. We're coming to see you at work and we're bringing jello shots for you.
Currently emptying half-full wine bottles from fridge into my mouth and refilling with water for later. Drunk survivalist recycling!
I'm in the "I'd rather have Carbs than Dick phase" part of my Life right now. YOU tell me how much Skinny Sex I'm having.
I'm spoon feeding myself tequila for breakfast, should we skip class today?
if the furniture in my bedroom wasn't shape shifting... this would be a different story.
you said "it's karaoke night" and tried to use my dick as a microphone
i have two papers due tomorrow. contemplating if i should take adderall in my anus for full effects
It’s like I’m living in some alternate wet dream universe right now
One day I'm going to get tired of waking up and wondering where the glow sticks on the floor came from.
Nothing kills the mood like opening another guy’s dick pic in bed
Oh I had the weirdest dream in which I was an archeologist stealing a golden dildo from a snobby British person
Randomize
