Iced coffee. Banana. Two dumps. Life is good.
is there anything more depressing than unpacking condoms from your suitcase that you thought you were going to use on vacation?
how ive managed to spend 100$ at an open bar is beyond me.
I just got my poem back from the prof, there's a sticker of a girraffe on it and it says "you're awesome!" ... How can this even be considered real college?!?
At 4am he sent "uree asss ize anmazin"
Which is worse rug burn on your nipples or laying there after wondering how long you have to cuddle before you can sneak away?
Just talked a homeless guy out of suicide. Was rewarded with a garbage bag full of mountain dew bottles and zannies. Im such a good person
Just thought you should know, Im with josh now. Im no longer available for rent. I have a full time tenant now. Like, a year long lease at least.
I am his drunk Jesus. I will love him from afar because he's my little lamb
I just farted so loud someone came to check on me. Thought something fell in my office.
Just had sex in the room next to my parents. Heading back to school ASAP.
What the fuck i just wanna eat my froot loops and sext in peace. Y'all motherfuckers gotta be loud as shit and break my concentration
Danny put 5 hr energy in the jungle juice (that brilliant bastard) and I almost showed my penis to Alex. It was a rough night.
Just letting you know that I just spent 11 dollars on a car wash... Because you had sex in my car.
A dozen naked frat boys in squirrel masks just ran by. Welcome to the official start of the holidays.
Randomize