I'm gonna get wrecked tn I might have to keep my phone at home cause I'm sure ill send you really weird txts
It was my first time buying condoms at the liquor store... I was nervous and there were quite a few people, so I tried to do it as quickly and quietly as possible. When I got to the Indian cashier, he took one look at them and said loudly, "Ohhh you gonna get it on tonight, ah?!"
Why do you have Season One of Reba in your underwear drawer?
Why are you in my underwear drawer?
the girl next to me in class just threw up in a waterbottle during our exam.
Still waiting. He said he'd call between 2 and 10... apparently he's like the Comcast of drug dealers.
omfg. get on facebook. the science olympiad team had a rave.
it's 10:36pm. Do you know where your penis should be?
Please do not make a facebook page for my hickeys.
Alright fuck it. Alcoholic Jamie is back and here to stay.
After it was shut down sean literally made out with four separate girls between the 100 feet to our house. It was a rampage.
At the drs she looked at my back saw your scratch marks and asked "does your back itch a lot?"
A man just squeezed past me in a tight space and said, "Excuse us."
I really wanna just be like, can you just eat me out and stop whining
I think that would solve a million problems
woke up. showered n got ready. had sex. and was still 15 minutes early to work... its gonna be a good day!
Oh no. He's definitely text-flirting with me. No straight man over 30 has any other excuse to use so many smiley faces...
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