Btw the nut in my hair goes great with my outfit !!! :(
I have left a significant number of teethmarks in my prhone. My mouth tastes like tequila and cheddar. Tomorrow already feels fun.
I just used a coupon while buying plan B. The pregnant sales clerk nodded in approval.
We totally just fucked in a closet. These vacations with his family are causing creativity I never thought I had.
For gods sake, I only took one. With two nyquils. What a happy world its been today. Fulfill your obligations and then its marvelouso.
she kept asking for a lobster dinner while she was crying. it was actually the most reasonable drunk chick request i've ever heard.
I can't wait for you to see these terrible photos I'm about to have taken with some stripper looking girls. I don't know what this photographer is thinking
I'm never waking up next to someone after sex again. It's alllll downhill from there.
I punted my pants across my apt at my roommate last night. Everything else is kinda fuzzy.
according to the video, you won you first drunken karaoke contest based off of your actual singing abilities and not because you took your shirt! I've never been prouder :)
Just woke up, shitty hungover, and realized that every article of clothing I slept in was backwards, bra included. Fuck you, gin. Fuck you.
Dude. Where are you? I'm making waffles in the waffle iron. It's beautiful.
I don't know if we can compare high school reunions anymore. The keg stands started before 7.
I need to be her Aladdin, and show her the world. The sex world.
All I remember is that I was trying to call my wolf pack by howling.
Randomize
