I keep reminding myself that my vagina isn't a homeless shelter.
You had salsa out and brought a banana on a plate to bed
My sister was crawling her way home and kept asking us to carry her,then she insisted on grabbing at our ankles til she passed out, how was your night?
I'm beginning to think the only reason I get laid anymore is girls are fantasizing sleeping with my dad...
i think you may have a shot to cock block in a moment. just saying.
Wake up an cock block please bc these are noises i dont ever want to hear again
Here is a brilliant idea passed on from men who have that same regret. WEAR A FUCKING CONDOM ALWAYS.
Please don't mistake my med student status for responsibility. I'm drinking tequila while studying vascular surgery techniques.
classified somewhere between kinky and medically inadvisable
Whatever. I am not explaining the physics of my dick slapping.
If my eyeballs could make a sound to describe how they feel they would just say uhhhhhhhhggggggghhhhhh.
That's a good 5 hours of "I have no fucking idea what I did".
I think I got a sinus infection from puking out my nose on st. Patricks day #thisis26
I think we ended 5-7 relationships as well this weekend...so another good stat
I miss my teeeeeeeeth. They're in a bag in my hand.
sexting just seems like too much work right now.
Randomize
