I'm watching harry potter...good thing I already know I'm gay
i'm eating jello out of a teacup with a fork. awesome?
He tugged on my tampon string and said 'there's a snake in my boot'. Needless to say he called me Woody and quoted Toy Story the rest of the night.
I tried calming him down but his eyes are rolling to the back of his head and he's yelling "COMA WEED!"
it's too soon in the relationship to think about him when i masturbate. so i think about his dad instead.
I just realized I turned down a booty call too. To make cheesecake. God help us all
If the river was whiskey, it would be the best river ever.
Chris used to fill up a Camel Back for thirsty Thursday. God I really miss him, do you remember when he gets out of jail?
So, I'm about to take my pants off in the Walmart parking lot, when am old lady parks next to me. I'm all the way in the back next to the semis. What the hell?
The fact that me being able to walk down stairs is an accomplishment in my books pretty much explains how I am
I don't think he cares about your inhospitable uterus.
I got to walk around for eight hours wearing power armor and acting camp. No way I wouldn't love it.
That moment when you sit down to shit and someone is watching porn on the other side of the wall.
Just woke up with only a scarf and my uggs on. i hate partying naked in winter.
Found someone cuddling with my Uggs this morning. Guess the hundred pillows laying next to him weren't good enough.
Randomize
