After last night, I could never be a politician.
I have a masturbator in my 5th grade class. the teacher told me ever since they caught him humping the desk in 2nd grade, they haven't been able to control him. he's even on medication but he will just do it in class
and this is why I hate my dad. He got 25x more angry with me when I wanted to drive a different route then he suggested to get to his house (more scenic- thus more enjoyable) then he did when I told him I was driving drunk with 4 people in the car and I got my 5th speeding ticket last night.
Prereq for being on nyc prep: money, bitchy, and a lazy eye... if only you were rich
Why is there a shirtless guy in Walgreens and why is he probably looking for the same thing I am?
I have to verbally tell you. He looks good on paper...but he totally fails in person. Like communism.
I have diapers under my sink. trying to convince myself to use them.
lesson learned: don't narrate out loud about how a girl is giving you head while she's doing it
You hooked up with another girl while you were with me. You were literally holding my hand while you did it.
he had the kids march single file in front of us on the way home so they didn't have to watch him pulling me passed out in their wagon...
You know you're a whore when you color code your calendar with who you slept with on what day incase you have ANOTHER pregnancy scare
Passing out drunk in my therapists lobby may not be the best way to confirm my "stability"
i am rolling on molly so fucking hard i want to do 300 cartwheels
The sex was so boring I heard the people having sex next door and I wanted to stop just to listen
I was grinding with girl while I was eating french fries, and she turned around to hook up with me. She ate my fries.
Randomize
