My gyno actually laughed when I told her about his penis size.
We basically counted to 3 and then dumped each other.
you googled " I want to buy a live ostrich". I'd say you were pretty wasted.
my text book just quoted the cookie monster
that knocking you heard last night......that was her head slowly going through the wall
Just realized the fur coat I am wearing to the wedding is the one I had sex with the groom in
I have a surprise for you
Is it drugs? I want drugs. Or a puppy!
Your boobs are like a big quesadilla marker
I woke up naked on my futon with a blanket half way covering my ass and 20 half eaten chicken wings on my chest... At 7 pm... That kind of day drinking
I'm standing at the bottom of the driveway w a sign that says plow me
I can already tell, the amount of fun I'm having right now is not nearly going to compensate for the amount of "let us never speak of this again" I'm gonna have tomorrow
ok I know you arent happy with the way we ended but paying someone to pass me an STD is TOTALLY FUCKED!!!
I was going to say that I wasn't sure how that happened... but then I remembered that I bonded with the Australians over vitamins and INXS and they bought me tequila.
Lol I'm not having group sex with you, that apron is fuckin awesome tho
I'm hungover from the 8pm vodka and still drunk from the 5am beer.
Randomize
