I like how she turned her beer into a wet t-shirt contest
in the middle of it he kept shouting: im going to be masturbating to this for the rest of my life
For the record I fully support drunken you in most social situations... Just not charity events.
You know you're on day 1 of your period when the new mcdonalds commercial makes you cry
i think i'd rather have a trophy of a like jizz stained curtain or something
when she was 9 she got kicked out of our 4-H camp dance for pole dancing on the spirit stick
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
someone just laughed at me while i'm laying on the floor waiting for the bus. like they've never been hungover.
Dude. Apparently I just smoked some stuff that's used for Nigerian spirit quests.
I'm not sure how many more innuendos I can slip into this fucking conversation before I just blatantly say "I want to fuck you."
I feel like god wrote up a contract of my life, and i just signed off on that shit without reading the fine print.
my cat just photo bombed my nudie.. does this qualify me as a cat lady?
I wish I could have seen the drive thru woman's face after " May I please have 20 Mcflurrys.....and a large diet coke, I'm trying to watch my weight for bikini season."
This guy is trying to get me to do some acrobatic gymnast shit just so he can see "my tight hole." I'm too big to be sweating in my own damn bed. Shittttt.
Right now I'm laying face down on my carpet in my living room in the darkness sending work emails from my phone.
It's a glamorous life.
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