just left the emergency room. condom extraction.
getting your period on valentines day is like an extra little fuck you, now you REALLY have no chance of sex tonight.
He kept insisting that I was going to have an orgasm but it just felt like he was rubbing sand paper on my vagina
I owe you 20 bucks. My blood work did show liver damage.
getting up at 8am to start drinking seemed like a much better idea before I had to wake up at 8am
Hah no, But it might feel like water boarding to my soul
She looks like a Midwestern news anchor that got fired so she has done nothing but eat for the past 6 months.
Two really nice girls helped clean the taco out of my hair.
He started a convo with me by saying that we went to high school together and then recommended I try meth.
Mom and dad should be so proud half of their children have gotten naked in the same local grocery store
Sorry for drunkely attacking your best friend with a bow and arrow then loudly crying myself to sleep....PMS?
It's only funny because he thinks you had sex with him to rob him.
Thank you for dog sitting, there is $60 on my desk to be spent on DRUGS AND/OR GAS ONLY not that food stuff people crave.
Bitch got stabbed in the eye. With a fork. Wait for it... At church. I was the only one at a party interested in her story. Only in the south
May have told my history professor I wanted him to stuff me like a turkey. Too slutty?
Nah, people appreciate the creativity of seasonal sluttiness. Let me know if it works!!!
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