If it makes you feel better, you're better at taking it in than ass than she is...
Well...yeah actually, that does make me feel better
I've gotten 23 condolence texts about Germany's defeat. I got 3 for our break-up. That's how much my friends don't like you.
The google font looked peculiar last night, but then up close I realized it was just dry vomit.
I love how our sober spotter means you only have to stay sober enough to type your pin in an ATM
If the boyfriend of the drunk girl you just met asks her if she made a "special friend" you're going to have a threesome. For future reference.
This is simple. Just sex and high fives. No feelings.
Is it wrong that the only reason I'd want Savannah in my wedding party is to watch her whore around and drink?
He said we would have a beautiful daughter together. That way too much for a one night stand...
Meanwhile I'm googling glory holes in Vegas
He stumbled out of the bathroom with his pants around his ankles yelling "tie my shooes!"
I signed the divorce papers. Can I get a blowjob now?
How don't you remember..? You were getting handfuls of skittles out from our bra screaming TASTE THE RAINBOW.
he told me his feelings for me AFTER sex, so that means he meant it right?
So I hung out with an australian but woke up with a British man in my bed does that make me culturalized
I'm a delicate orchid of a man.
Blossoming into a fierce dragon.
Randomize