Thank you for leaving pool of vagina on my girlfriends carpet.
does it bother you that i swallowed like millions of your unborn children
actually, i try not to think about it
and i pooped them out
I just made a friends list on fb of all the guys ive hooked up with. genius.
didn't know how to tell his mom I was confused about how long we'd been together because we banged for a full year before making it official
and my loofah got caught on my nipple ring in the shower today. what an awful experience.
he had a dikembe mutombo jersey on, was swatting peoples drinks out of their hand and wagging his finger in their face everytime he did it.
I just remembered that I did shots out of a gay mans crotch. And there's someone saved in my phone as "Miranda knows where my car is"
I didnt think the feeling of accomplishment for fucking brothers would be this great.
But mostly fuck him senseless. Render him speechless. Have him look at my vagina and wonder, "WHAT SORCERY IS THIS?!"
If you put those two in a room together it'd be like a Taylor Swift fantasy and an Adele nightmare just licking faces
It's official. Those are now your come fuck me flipflops
We hooked up in his car and afterwards he cried. I think I need to find a new hookup...
He can be a kind, caring soul but also give in to the temptation of eating unicorn ass.
So it turns out that a Ford Focus does not fit in a Walmart cart return.
Great, now I'm picturing myself as a fucking garden gnome
Randomize
