I accidentally broke up with him while I was drunk which is really too bad since I'd just gotten a birth control perscription so we could start having sex.
Do you think he'd take me back if I said "dude, we need to get back together or this IUD is going to have an existential crisis for not realizing its full potential"?
I successfully cooked a taquito with a lighter! My stomach hurts now tho.. im either guna blame it on the undercooked taquito or im feeling guily about porkin my brothers gf a lil bit ago
he started fingering my stomach rolls instead of my vag... am i really that fat?
I came home to burning cookies and him outside "tanning" naked.
He just wants an even tan
I was told to ask you about memoirs of a geisha.
I found out that my first kiss was an Italian. Even in kindergarden i knew size mattered.
Her boyfriend was hitting on other girls while drunk. But, she said she was okay with it because she is a feminist and she supports all women's decisions.
He looks like he got hit by a weed-eater with chlamydia
Went to the doctor's today. The lady took one look at my throat and said "oh god"
Too much penis in there.
I threw a hotdog at the security guard and called the bartender "goodlooking for a 35 year old who was rode hard and put away wet"... I would have kicked me out too
Much like Dre, I was forgotten about.
Colombian exchange intern from my Mom's friend's ranch loves me, and is staying the night because we got each other drunk. Successful Christmas? I think yes.
I hate men. But I love dick. You see my problem?
i keep smelling vagina and donuts, which pretty much sumarises this morning. happy birthday.
I would give away three of my own ribs to be able to eat myself out.
...ew
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