i kinda want to bang the mythbusters girl... i bet she's got a nice snapper
I told him to go down on me and when he did he started crying!! I asked him why and he said my vag looked just like his ex girlfriends!!!
sperm doesn't mix with malibu too well
The girl with a dislocated arm just did an assisted keg stand. You will never have an excuse again.
Dude's from Puerto Rico. Majoring in Spanish is like us majoring in drinking with a minor in watching Forgetting Sarah Marshall.
Found your pants. They were stuffed in the tank of the toilet.
You walked away saying that you had to pee and you never came back. We found you an hour later in his roommate's bed. Under the covers. Still in your wet bathing suit.
You know how hard it is to jerk off in a bathtub with a dog staring at you?
There is nothing more embarrassing than your birth control alarm going off while in a meeting with your boss and they tell you to take it.
The whole time we were fucking I kept thinking, "My dad would love this cologne. I'll have to ask him where he got it." the highlight of the night is that I figured out my dad's birthday gift.
Just got offered a dog by two Meth head's one of which wasn't wearing shoes and continually saying "fuck"
Let's celebrate that I used a condom
Today's psa: there are certain parts of your body you shouldn't scratch while wearing fake nails.
you just tore your cootch a new one, didn't you?
Holy shit my cat won't leave the lube alone
I mean, I've had her boob in my mouth, but is that romance?
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