the only thing i knew about you is that u dated jordan and were potentially interested in a threesome
im 80% sure the guy across from me is taking pictures of my legs
Hey was my sperm eye the same day I crapped myself?
your ex dropped by. you can call me dwight howard, cuz im the king of rebounds
On a scale of one to trashy, how is this: Got drunk, gave a guy a hand job. In the middle of the bar
I think you broke the trashy scale
good thing vaginas are great cup holders
her dad is making me watch Glen Beck, i only agreed because i penetrated his daughter earlier.
Just got booked to do a bachelorette party for a polygamist wedding. And notice I only text you to rub things in your face and show you my life shits on yours. Daily.
and then you looked me right in the eyes and said "i just really wanna pet some horses right now"
It's either my own vomit or popcorn butter in my ear right now. Banking on the second one.
We made popcorn last night. So it's both
Just had that moment when you realize the two drunk women shoving all their money down your clothes were your middle school teachers...
Dude she said she'd let me snort a line off her ass now I just have to wait for them to break up
You would think that me seductively unzipping my cat feetie pajamas would make him want to fuck me.
How bad would it be if I wore out the dress we got peed on in. You're the only one who knows.
I feel like hooking up with you on my floor, sneaking out my window and jumping a fence is an effort that deserves a happy birthday.
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