I judge my drunkenness on my brickbreaker playing skills. I'm winning. Suck it.
Now there are nude photos of that bangin hot Russian spy chick...this is officially the best scandal ever.
Do you how many people I've successfully loaded into a Mazda Miata? Six. Six people. How? Strategically.
we tried to steer you away from them but you just kept yelling 'i need dick' and going back. sorry.
Played "Which Couple Will Take Me Home Tonight" at the bar last night... I can now cross three-some off my bucket list
it's my sixth sense. If there's an orgy within 20 miles of me i'll know about if. Or be a part of it.
Dude sorry but it totally wasn't worth going back in there for yous shoes
Blackout me just wants to pee on sober me's dreams. Literally.
He said we were over, wrote my name on the condom he left in my car last night and said he'd always keep it in case I came back. It was kind of romantic
A million fucking miles away, and the sun still manages to fuck my hungover mornings up.
I was writing 'DISTRACTION' across my chest in Sharpie when my boob fell out. Right on camera.
You pee in parking lots....i drive home naked.....thats the american dream i was promised
I was at his place until 2am. We just sat really close an stared at each other. I think you are right. Germans must not have feelings. Not even tingly ones in their pants.
It’s a dick. Seen one, seen em all. Unless it spews a fountain of tequila, I don’t need to see yours.
can jess come too?
sure! but I don't have enough booze for the both of you.
she comes with her own booze, no worries.
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