Spraying perfume on pants makes them clean right?
I don't know what's more sad: The fact that he fingered the side of my leg, or the fact that the side of my leg feels like a vagina.
plus shes a stripper, ive been with strippers, if you fuck this up your penis will never forgive you
Going out so taking the 2nd 1/2 of beer w/ me ont'tube in a Pringles tube. I give money to people on the street that have more self respect.
He made a fake guest pass that was just a note card with "I'm here. Me." written in sharpie, and tried to convince the security guard it was real.
Me and Phil are just drawing pictures of thumbs in different costumes during lecture. I love being a senior.
Hefty paycheck and not get wasted can't exist in the same night
you puked in the bathtub and said "let them pee"
That guy drinking savagely was actually at his buddy's gay bachelor party in the male stripper section. He came over to the chicks side so we drank with him.
He had some sort of penis-related post traumatic stress disorder, but body shots seemed to wake him up
Hey, you can't rush the perfect creeper shot. I need buffer time to hone my skills.
I'm going through what feels like a break up with beer. I'm emotionally distraught from it's lack of presence.
That was awkward , having sex with her while her husband watched via Skype. I'm a porn star or a target. Idk
someone stole all your weed so you told us you were planning each of our deaths
You are hungover. Your arguments are irrational an incoherent. We only played twice. Have some Gatorade and take a knee.
all i know is that i woke up at 12:00 am in a shower with egg shell in my hair. i am 90% sure you are responsible.
Randomize
