OMG! Someone dumped chocolate soft-serve in the bathroom! Dibs!
It's not normal to lose a tooth eating a McDouble.
I turn the corner to find her walking in the front door in a tee-shirt, two different shoes and no pants. All she said to me was "I'm sad"
Handcuffed. To. Steering. Wheel. Fuck.
As I am reading this. I'm standing in my underwear eating taquitos. I'm saying this in the most loving way possible: FUCK OFF.
Guess who has got hockey tickets for tonight? Only cost me road head going to and coming from the game
He had bigger boobs than me last night and we both weren't wearing a bra so it was a fair judgement
yesterday you declined a drink because you "didn't want to be responsible for it" ok kanye...
Why am I wearing a dog collar
Only way we could keep you from running in to traffic.
You're just gonna have to make the sacrifice man.
I'm trying to hide in the table.
You're about to makeout with my vagina, I don't think she cares that you haven't brushed your teeth. Just get over here!
He's ninety percent amazing leader, brother, and teacher, and ten percent unforgivable douche. These are the men I look up to in my life.
According to the boxer briefs I found on the couch when I got home, I take it your date went well??
I think I swiped left on my soulmate
No i dont need a babysitter i have my cats. Cats can dial 911 ya know
Randomize
