I wish I was that guy from the miller light commercials so I could walk into parties and take peoples beer without getting yelled at
road dome is illegal, just asked in driving school.
It just hit me that i made out with someone's mom last night
I have pink band-aids all over my body, WHAT HAPPENED?
Keg backpack and a Bike
He came so hard he burst a blood vessel in his eye. Do I have to take him to the ER? because I'm too tired for this shit.
I'm gonna give him birthday punches. On the dick. With my mouth.
just won 200$ from the school for "liking" the anti-alcohol seminar. putting it to good use
how?
not even kidding, my fake id is arriving in 6-8 business days
I convinced a shit ton of people I was a russian foreign exchange student to get free drinks. I knew learning those accents would come in handy.
Remember when we were coked out at that house and we were trying to meditate in the bathroom? Who's house were we at?
Is her birthday actually on cinco de mayo? That makes so much sense
You're best friend just tackled me....naked....brought me to his room where he had freshly baked cinnamon rolls. I didn't know he could cook
I fucked him twice and then he set me up with his teammate. This kid does wonders for me
Everything is covered in gelatin and pam cooking spray. Jesus be a shield.
U sent me lyrics to wind beneath my wings
My liver misses your liver
I just had to ask my drug dealer to "keep it simple for me". Is this a new low?
We've done worse things
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