So I got my period. Finally. In related news, I reinstated my belief in God.
I'm not saying I want a booty call. I just want what Cory and Topanga had.
he ate 15 dinner rolls and nothing else. then took a shit in the bathroom came out and blamed it on his dad. i wish i was 8.
I'm eating my dinosaur chicken nuggets in the order they would die in the food chain.
You know how hard it is to drive a dirtbike down a road with 2 plants of weed on your lap. Fucking hard
screw it, I'll just be a stripper until next August when then are looking for suitable teachers to teach the future of America. it's like a feel good movie just a little out of order and im a dude.
My catholic guilt is strong, but the alcohol is stronger.
I mean I feel like if you explain to the emoji app company that your friend got plastered and fell to the ground and is trying to scheme her way back to normal life and get her dignity back they would understand just how necessary it is to have a fingers crossed emoji...
I can't tell if the dead thing in the yard is a deer or the guy I slept with last night...
Apparently being drunk on a southwest flight and yelling "TURNUP" during take off is looked down upon in this state.
When I die I just want my headstone to my name, date of birth-death, and TEQUILA!!
I might as well walk around wearing a sandwich board and accept the fact that I'm dying single.
You did things that should be illegal to a Twinkie and asked strangers to drive you home.
Dignity. Ruined. Must. Smoke. Weed.
We can use the Mac n cheese as the potatoes in our breakfast burritos. Problem solved.
Randomize