these burps are starting to have way more vomit in them,
You said you wanted to go to louisiana and get arrested by Steven segal
when she said she's going upstairs to put her "play clothes" on, I knew either she was a pervert or a kindergarten teacher. Either way, I wasn't going to leave. She's a pervert by the way.
Would it be inappropriate to do lines in front of the cable guy?
get over here now. the boys are doing shots of everclear, chasing with monster, and some dude jsut walked in with a backpack full of tattoo gear.
Aww. I feel like I need to kill a puppy just to make room in the world for how cute you are right now
I'm never drinking again. I saw way more penises than I ever cared to see last night. And I've decided that I'm going to live in Scotland.
I need an explanation for both of these epiphanies.
You went into the shower with my roommate and cursed him out asking why he was there
Zach, it's Lisa from work. Was that you yeiling BALLS DEEP at me on I-25 or is it just something about me that invites that from rando creeps?
Awkward drunk fist bump with the boss. Not sure if tomorrow will be weird or wonderful.
She wore her engagement ring the whole time we fucked. I hate her fiancee, so it was cool
look, my penis is an amusement park, and it's closed for maintenance. why can't you just accept that?
He forgot how to sit. we had to pick him up and set him down.
I put him in the supply closet, used the copy paper to build a fort around him and his wheelchair, then he fucked me in the fort.
Did you ask Harvard boi?
Apparently he likes someone who is into being smart and a supporter of human rights ugh what a skank
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