The dentist just called my mother to confirm the appointment that I made on his answering machine at 4:33 am this morning..
looks like were buying each other an abortion for our one year present...
I'm at the house listening to vengaboys alone. Please come home.
We've finally come to the understanding that as long as our conversation stays stricaly sexual, we get along.
Yeah not really sure what I said but I remember "douchebag" and "fuck your own face"
To a 70 year old lady?!
her sex was completely horrible but her weed was great. imma ask her out again
You always know it is going to end badly when a guy asks if he met you at a "coed naked lawn bowling party"
I need $500 dollars more than I need a night of dignity... I gonna do it.
I'm gonna make a mold of your dick so I can make popsicles
Drinking ketchup directly out of the bottle does not make it tomato juice.
I'm doing the Macarena naked in my living room right now
I see you're taking unemployment seriously.
No. I just want to cuddle and talk about our feeling. Of course this a booty call.
is there a way to say "yea i broke my wrist cause i fell down some stairs while tripping my face off on acid" without actually saying it?
I'm glad I date someone who likes the simple things. Sex, kittens, and McDonald's.
If you ever get divorced...would you call me??
Randomize
