Please tell me I didn't pass out while we were having sex last night... and if so I am sooooo sorry.
I had a dream last night that Anthony Bourdain gave me a vibrator.
I have a story that starts with Nutella and ends with sex in the laundry building at RIT.
so we were pounding it out and someone knocked on the wall and was shouting at us
that didnt stop you
nope
I wish there was a "friends who have gained the most weight since high school" filter on facebook for when I am feeling fat.
Say it nicely.
Fine. I want to lovingly bend you over and lovingly fuck the shit out of you. Happy?
Everyone makes mistakes, yours just means you will forever be known as the chick that tried to steal a cheese plate from the funeral.
It'll be like the burning bush except without moses and with pubes.
Oh wow. Was walking and just saw her in the pool, fully clothed, ranting on an alligator float. I guess i should go get her before security gets here.
Cops are just so fun an beautifuk
ALWAYS CAPS LOCK. IS THERE EVER A SITUATION THAT DOES NOT CALL FOR CAPS LOCK? NO.
Sexting? Sexting in caps lock seems rather unnerving.
I WANT YOUR BODY AND I WANT IT NOW.
I rest my case.
Yeah, first date. First take a pic of him to circulate around for your friends and than have him fill out a short penis questionnaire. Seems completely legit to me.
just because you have a nice tits it doesn't make you a magic little snowflake.
Plus you get to call him out on being a dick. It's more satisfying than ever sex I've ever had.
we are the best best friends ever. You had sex in an ice cream truck I had sex in a fire truck
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