The first sip always goes straight to my vagina.
So I just googled the ten commandments... Were fucked.
made out with three guys on the first night of college orientation, just imagine what joys all of next year will hold
he called you a drunk bob the builder and you proceeded to explain how you were going to build ramps throughout the house
me neither. i remember bell pepper tequila but not why or yelling
Hahaha, I forgot about doing shots out of the bell pepper
Of course I'm not above using aladdin and pot to get laid, this is america
As your attorney I advise you to rage rapidly
that's where you went wrong. never assume I'm adult enough to do something on my own.
If you don't fuck me hard, rough, and senseless the minute we're alone in your room, I'm returning you to the boyfriend store
I want to get a list going called "D list celebs I've kissed"
I thought my neighbors locked me out of the building. Then I remembered I was drunk. PUSH AND TURN.
I wish I could accurately explain the embarrassment of standing in your bathroom with women's nair on your ass waiting to get in the shower.
There's no triumph quite like finally banging your high school boyfriend 6 years later
Went home with a guy last night with Taco Bell sauce in my hair and on my pants
Are you drinking tequila at 1pm? ...at Disneyland?
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