So I had to explain to her that pussy doesn't mean a cat
Apparently getting drunk, buying a guitar from your local costco and walking in to an open mic night is not the same as rocking out to guitar hero...
I just watched a blind kid buy from one of the vending machines on campus...guess there's nothing like a good surprise?
Ok. In one sink is a hairdrier. Still plugged in. The other is filled with broken glass. What do I do?!
Nvm. Bloody hand trumps dead. Also, where is gauze.
I never kept track of who else he slept with. You think I have the time or the energy to keep track of every dick in my life?
So drunk. Washed my hair un pancheros sink cus I was so hot.
Well anything after a French guy would have been a disappointment. But I'm fairly certain he was just trying to masturbate into me.
Everyone is drunk but me. Fantastic. Everyone is hooking up but me. Awkward.
I had a pitcher of margaritas. Now I'm in a laundry room being a 5th wheel and crying. I made myself a bed out of a pool floatie. I win.
There's a homeless man outside the bar. I have a toothbrush and toothpaste in my car. I think i'm going to give them to him. And they said drinking is bad.
You're so thoughtful.
I feel like I got run over by a bus full of inebriated Scotsmen on the way to a soccer riot.
I am in the bathroom at work, pooing while eating pretzels. Hungover Fridays are in full effect
Why is there a cash register on top of my car?
He showed me his scar from his appendix surgery. It was educational and fun....
pls come tAke this super bath no romo it's just. so nice.
when I finally sobered up enough to get out of bed this morning I went to talk to mom and forgot that I had TITS written in big letters on both my hands. I love drinking games.
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