You look like a girl that would like strip clubs
giving a blow job on a jetski isn't as easy as it sounds.
kyle and i were puking, simultaneously, off the front porch at 4 am, and in the middle of it he looks up, reaches his hand over, and says "knucks." And then I proceeded to fist bump him. By farrr the best time I've ever had puking.
he was actually really polite. he asked before he came on my chest because he "wasn't sure my stance on it".
I don't know what the fuck is in the water in New Hampshire, but these dicks are HUGE.
Being the adderall dealer on campus, I feel responsible for everyone graduating.
The mystery gender stripper never showed up with that party burrito last night.
So my OCD kicked in and I cleaned his kitchen. His roommates were so grateful, they tried to pay me in weed.
YOU ACCEPTED, RIGHT?
We smoked speed and opium for the first time. ended up harvesting cucumbers with locals at 9am in a farmers field. Laos is fuckin crazy.
He will. He has no choice. What's he gonna do? Find a better fuck buddy? We both know that's not possible. I'm the ideal friend with benefit. Minus snoring and uneven tits.
The cops showed up and one of them got pushed in the pool. When he got out he looked really sad so I got him a towel and hugged him. He arrested all the underage drunkards but me.
Mostly because I hate my job and a have a photogenic penis.
Why am I cleaning the house twerking to anaconda wearing a bears jersey and helmet?
Anybody can graduate from college sober. You try it while being stoned every day for the last three years. 2.75 baby.
I think my roomie is silently judging me for spraining my foot by having sex in a bounce house
so the bounce house and tequila was good idea then?
Randomize
