I wanna come home
And do what?
Kiss. Rip clothes off. Repeat.
I like my sex mixed with concussions.
She checked into foursquare right as she left work so he would think she was there late and not on some other guy's dick
I have to say for barely passing high school, that girl is a genius.
We made a late night liquor run, made margaritas and bloody marys and then retreated to opposite sides of the house to drink them. Alone.
You guys make me sad
You misspelled jealous there
Im sitting in church with a backpack full of beer bottles. This is friendship.
My dream had 1 penis and 2 pizzas in it. Priorities?
The door opens out but somehow she managed to kick it in..
I say go for the trifecta and maybe you'll get a medal or something. Or a baby. That's like the same thing right?
The shit I just took was my body's way of telling me bourbon and mixed nuts aren't an appropriate dinner. Well played, colon. WELL. PLAYED.
We need to do something soon. I need like 4,000 beers and a cigarette.
Everyone loves nachos, first of all. Second, Ke$ha is entirely appropriate for the age grou too young to realize she probably has Hep C.
Seriously, I look like I crawled out of a bog. Succeeding at being as undateable as possible.
I woke up in a toga after going to a Hawaiian party. I don't even know.
You left your hot dogs in my dresser again
On the good side I got hit on by a cute college guy. But the bad side was having sex in a frat house for first time in 9 years
Randomize
