Me too ba-by. I wanna bite your ear lobes they are so fat.
i just met rob pattinson in italy. he's so stupid, i feel like i would have to say "your penis goes here!"
I think we should go ahead and pin a note to my shirt when we go out that says"do NOT buy me shots"
On the back we can put possible side effects may include: indiscriminate making out, brief crying spells, yelling in jibberish, and sudden sleep.
i think the date started going downhill when i mentioned how many therapists i have
I come up with the best drinking games while babysitting
Nah you can have him. There's too many men in my life right now. I can't handle another dick.
i just had a pap smear and two shots. lets hit the beach.
Chicken wings don't come back up an through your nose as easily as you'd think
THERE IS A WINE CUBE IN MY ASS THIS IS NOT GOING AS PLANNED
I guess that means I was blowing a nerd last week.
And loving it.
I mean, you got a giant dick. I've seen lawn gnomes that are smaller.
I'm having leftover pizza for breakfast. I'm clearly not the greatest at this adult thing.
We do have a rich storied history of emotional warfare
I don't care how hot she was, she wouldn't stop singing "Shut Up and Dance", instant boner-killer.
I don’t want to brag, but vows, morals and will power are no match for my blow job skills
Randomize
