she was bad bro. like...id rather put my dick in a blender. twice.
finally stumbled home. 4am. made it to the bathroom and threw up. the cat came in,s aw me, looked at the vom in disgust, and then threw up too. its nice to have such sympathetic pets.
I wish his dick was as long as his hair.
There are 9 condoms on my bed either i met the greatest girl ever last night or something horrible has happened.
i'm not sure if i'm mentally prepared for this.. politeness? proper grammar? book reader ? this is a whole new meaning of the species penis for me.
My gynecologist inadvertently complimented your penis.
Well, at least he doesn't refer to you as his associate. his mattress associate
Ive yelled into your vagina. There are few lines we haven't crossed at this point.
yeah we were the ones eating jello shots out of the back of a jeep in the bar parking lot
he was inside of, then got up said "we don't want you having a baby," grabbed his car keys and left. so now i'm just sitting on his bed, wondering if he's coming back.
He was dressed up as Jesus and had vodka in one hand while he was blessing everyone and splashing them with holy water in the bathroom.
Nobody feels the need to text me back. Men. And I sent myself a message saying nakedness. I'm all the man I need.
She was nothing like her profile said, we had nothing in common, and her picture mustve been like 30 pounds ago. But yeah we hooked up
My grandma just invited me to gate crash a funeral for the free food. Priorities.
Want to go to Victoria’s Secret? His fiancée is out of town and I’m going to try and stop the wedding with lingerie and lots adventurous sex
Absolutely! I love a good sexual filibuster!
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