woke up at my desk with a paper in front of me that says "people stranded on islands love having wet dreams" what the fuck happened last night
I just accidentally stumbled into an AA meeting...I think its a sign
just got a girls number while on a 5 am adderall cig break this is college at its finest
these marshmallows taste like mayonnaise. like playing tetris on a gameboy, that's what these marshmallows mean.
Im 95% ready to shit behind 711
Pretty sure that I got the MVP of wedding reception... woke up on the bench in the hallway of a hotel and we did NOT start the night there.
It's all good. The CSI guy came and I played the theme song while he in was in our place. The cops even laughed.
he stopped during sex, told me i smelled like McDonald's and went harder..
I'm semi drunk. I just bought you penis moisturizer. Not kidding. Keep an eye out for the package. Merry Christmas.
After a little too much, I decided public urination was a constitutional right.. Nearly got deported for that one
We'll never be able to grow apart now. You can't look at a stranger & say "Yea I ate goldfish crackers off his dick." & just be casual about that.
Yeah man, you were grinding with his wife, I wouldn't be worried about it
We banged in my car doggy style with my head out the window. The sky was marvelous and I saw a shooting star. Its destiny; we're meant to fuck forever.
We need to feng shui this bitch.
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
Randomize