Whats the opposite of morning wood? Whatever its called, everyone saw it when it fell out.
she was trying to give me a handjob in biology class while we were learning about the penis.
i just made my gag reflex go away.
I dated that bitch for 9 months and didnt get as much as a hand job. I met her sister last night for the first time and smashed that...twice
I respect that
You gave me your shirt to use as a napkin every time I spilled beer on myself. Before we went to the bar.
Let's get drunk and go to Walmart and just tackle people at random.
You need a sexual gate keeper
When you finally get laid, I shall make you a trophy out of dildos
I was going through my settings and the phone randomly started playing "Crazy Little Thing Called Love" by Dwight Yoakum. Out loud. At full volume. I was shitting. There were 3 other people in the bathroom. I love iOS 7.
You haven't lived until you've thrown up naked in a hotel room in Fargo while holding your breasts so they don't touch the toilet bowl.
Which is worse that I came in public or that no one noticed?
Masterbating to Tolstoy. You?
Quick question—how good are you at digging holes? I mean, besides the one you've dug for yourself. asking for a friend
Me and some guy are crying in a port a potty together after another guy broke up with both of us.
I just realized I'm not wearing clothes. I think my pants may be in the kitchen but I have no idea where my shirt is. I'm kinda worried.
Randomize
