Last night is one of those stories you hear about on 20/20 right after they make a law banning 90% if what I did.
we have to go try and show our tits so we can get ID-free drinks at applebees
I am spending my child support on dildos
I developed a drinking game for WoW. Everytime I die, I take a shot.
Please get laid.
Ok lesson learned. Don't lick the spoon when making mushroom chocolates. The kitchen walls are melting.
I can do it, this is my punishment and I will accept it, plus id like to see the look on peoples faces when I throw up on them
Just reduced mom to tears when she realized I wasn't kidding about hating kids. She's crying about never being a gma. Now would be the time to tell her about the girl you knocked up. You're welcome.
When I eventually hook up with a resident lets refer to it as taking a hands on approach to my job
You picked up her frozen vom puddle and threw it like a frisbee.
They left at like 4. I got up to help clean their house this morning and we found his pants. No ones heard from him, we're all a little scared.
And you will no longer be getting a thank you note from my vagina
you smell like cheap hookers & chicken nuggets.
Oh yeah. I pretty much fucked the universes brains out lastnight. It was glorious.
I tried to take a cute nude but sneezed halfway through. I sent it anyway
My butthole probably tastes like a Cinnabon right now
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