i just heard my neighbor say from outside my window "i don't give a shit what he does, what the hell am i gonna do with my son's penis?"
Amanda Bynes on the cover of maxim is my 8th grade masturbation fantasy come to life
It was also my first failed attempt at shower sex.
In hindsight, the torn ligament in my knee is probably the fault of the ginbucket and jager bombs starting at 3pm. I guess I'll stop blaming it on you.
He appeared on my 7th floor fire escape and sang to me and jimmy through the window when we fucked. He's like a drunken mix of Sinatra and Spiderman.
Standards are awful. It's like living in the zombie apocalypse. You can only have sex with certain people
so exactly what is concert sex etiquette? Before, during or after???
all of the above
You pretended to pelvic thrust my mother on the boat while my 92 year old grandmother looked on. Thanks.
Just called a girl a cunt over peanuts. I think we both know it wasn't just about the peanuts.
And all you did was hit on me and do things "for America", so you weren't judged heavily
I almost tased myself
I dont think you should own that device.
It's an awesome device. I love this device.
Wow. Ok who would waste Game 7 ticket on kids?!
Poor parenting at its best
Is it okay that we fucked on my car hood, in his driveway, at 4 am with cars passing by ?
The last thing I remember is being given a cup full of absinthe and deciding I needed to wear my tool belt
You were returned to the hotel by someone wearing a priest costume and carrying knives.
There are footprints all over my windshield
You said you were making waffles...
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