Hurry there's a dancing lesbian. She's a jumper and has impeccable jazz hands.
Sometimes one must go to great lengths and make great sacrifices to get drunk. I willingly accept the challenge.
I have to talk to myself and be all "you are NOT horny tonight"
Dude she's on meds. He has a ginormous penis. Ur A dumbass. That concludes our feelings chat. Dim Sumday?
Drinking franzia alone at noon watching a cheese themed episode of "The Chew" I'm ready to admit I need a job.
Dude, you bit through my nipple. Give it a week, damn.
At no time is it ever okay for my doctor to compliment my tattoos, when giving me a physical exam.......
It's Been clinically proven that people who have sex 6 or more times per week are happier than those who don't. Just and FYI. For your mental health. From a soon so be psychologist. Who is drunk.
I couldn't finish the episode and had to lay down because the snapple commercial with the mustache was blowing my mind
xanax give me strength to not ask where we stand with booty calls
You should just construct a mini-city, actually. Then destroy, photograph and post. Who could turn down a dick that conquered a whole city? Craigslist personals wont know what hit it.
He told me he loved me and then peed his own bed. So at least it was a memorable one night stand.
Woke up in my boxers on a subway with a phone number written on my arm in lipstick..Best Night EVER.
i just woke up on the desk in his dorm with him snoring in my vagina. better than last week waking up to a different guy puking on my bare ass i guess.
It may be a corded vibrator from the 90s but it gets the job DONE
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