apparently i'm not the first person wake up and realize she's ugly cuz i tore this house apart and there is no sign of my clothes
she said she missed her period, but is going to six flags... think im safe?
Come 10 years my vagina won't look like this. I must cherish it
She called him at 5 AM so that he'd be ready for her birthday breakfast and drinks at 6. This is why people don't need to wait until their 21st to have their first drink.
Man, I wish they all looked like that. Your vagina deserves to have a nice frame around it, and God's signature at the bottom.
Did you really lure me out of the bar with a blond holding a dunkin donuts bag? Well played sir, well played.
Some daaay... Bet your bottom dollar that some daaay you'll do that mollyyyy
Would be in best interest to sanitize the DVDs
I know of an excellent nanny. A lot like Mary Poppins but way cooler. And likes pot.
Well at least I still have a burrito in my pocket.
And that kids is the last time I ever try to outdrink Germans
I just sugar scrubbed my vagina. If I don't get laid tonight, me and the universe are gonna have some problems.
I just realized I wasn't at the party anymore. I was just sitting there with a vacuum.
Oh yeah, you are a real peach except for shitting uncontrollably and bleeding out of your face.
I need a significant other who'll eat Skittles from my boobs
Randomize
