Kiss
Puke
She is totes cute on her twitter. Which totally sounds like a euphemism for coot.
i paused nhl 10 while i jerked off and it was like a crowd was cheering me on
I think vodka calistinics prior to and during beer olympics was a bad idea
Yo dude either Brian has herpes or he was jerking off to Web MD 'cause I just walked in on him
Sorry I tried to blow your roommate in your room. I felt more at home there.
Is it a step in the wrong direction to ask my parents for a kegerator for graduation?
I found a tip from a dart in my bra this morning
I'm pretty sure I just woke up to one of the airport janitors saying that she wanted to tie me up and do something.. I couldn't hear what, thank god
I'm pretty sure the bus driver knew how hung over I was and hit all the pot holes on purpose. I threw up into my water bottle.
That was so not worth putting pants on for.
I PUT IT IN THE UNIVERSE THAT I WANTED TO STAB HIM AND THEN SOMEONE DID! KARMA IS A BITCH AND SHE IS BEAUTIFUL!
She sent me a thank you card for not fucking her boyfriend...
I ACCIDENTALLY MURDERED MY COUSIN
HOW DO YOU ACCIDENTALLY MURDER YOUR COUSIN
It's next to that place that has cock fighting.
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