He came and then made the Jim Halpert face. does that say disappointment or what
her cat watched me eat her out... I would use the alternate term for both of those things but it's too weird.
well let's see. after you forcefully shoved a half-eaten apple in my mouth, you ruined the pepsi by dumping an entire beer in there.
I just want to jump into a ballpool of dicks now.
You left the resturant and came back with a McDonalds burger in your pocket so ya...no more pregaming birthday dinners. Especially since it wasn't your birthday.
I'm not taking advise from someone who responded to the pickup line "I have a penis"
To be fair, I'm probably one of the better candidates for the role of 'baby daddy' in this town
it is my last wish that my tale be published posthumously as a warning to anyone thinking of eating burger king at nine am
So his roommate walked in on us, went upstairs to tell her bf she has found a new use for the rafters & they must try it.
He ended up buying the equivalent of dinner at a Mexican place, in weed
That's probably when I climbed a tree and told everyone I was an ornament
Well, if you're anything like me you'll get a lot of ass when you turn 30, so that's a plus
we went book shopping, so yes this relationship is going to be about more than sex
I would have wore underwear last night if I knew I had to change a tire this morning
My new roommate looks like a troll. Or a serial killer. So if I disappear, show this text to the cops.
Randomize
