She made me add her as a friend on fb before she got into my bed... I sense a stalker
It'll be like the burning bush except without moses and with pubes.
if you spike my cofee one more time im gona fuck you up. im presenting to the mayor in sevven fucking minuets. fuck you and youir fucking bartending classses i am so fuckign fcked
So apparently we dropped beers outside the apartment last night, and someone RETURNED them! Ha like what? I just walked out the front door to Christmas in a box on my doorstep.
Exactly. Motivated vaginas are the best kind of vagina
I think the paper my teacher just handed back to me had one of his pubes on it, I'm way too hungover for this
You were fine, but your knee injury definitely came from interpretive dancing like a gay fairy with lead wings all around the Mission St BART. Everyone thought you were on drugs.
He is currently in a meeting and I am sexting him in Italian
And he's using Google translate to reply. Who says cross country relationships can't be fun?
'TWAS BUT A GLORIOUS SIGHT. BITCHES.
Oh and .... you'll love this: my life coach says you writing my online dating profile isn't a horrible idea.
Her four year old daughter walked up to me grabbed my junk and said "this will be in mommy later." Wtf?
You tried to use him as a battering ram. I'm 99% certain that's why he left.
We couldnt find you anywhere and when you finally answered your phone all you said was "im safe"
You're lucky I'm holding your vagina in my best interests
Can I bother you for a second.
You always bother me but go on.
Randomize
