he was screaming in a recently acquired accent that he paid for delivery and they could cancel the entire order if they didn't come upstairs
I thought you said it was going to get worse not hilarious.
the delivery boy turned out to be my students mother. now she knows that i have incredibly low standards AND thanks to the fact that he still has dialup the pizza tracker was way off and she rang the bell and he answered mid bong rip.
sent the pic of my tit to the wrong bbm chatroom
Haha. We better find him. He looked like he came out of Switzerland's vagina, he's that much of a blonde beauty.
My mind's like "He's a sexist pig" but my uterus is like "YOU SHALL BEAR HIM STRONG CHILDREN"
where will you be at 9:30 tonight?
piledriving you in your roommate's bed?
She was about to leave with you until you started singing "You Hoes Ain't Loyal" in her face
I'm now consulting a magic eight ball on all major life decisions. On another note I think I have chlamydia.
I finished OITNB and broke it off with my fuck buddy in the same day. It's going to be a rough week
Do him. As soon as possible and as often as possible. That's what Oprah would say
He named his newborn baby after a character in the Hobbit and that is literally keeping me up at night.
He tripped and fell all the way to the ground and then stood right back with out spilling a drop of his 3/4 full glass of rum and coke. It was like watching something from the matrix
I was sprawled on his bed and heard him and a girl walk in the apartment. I jumped out the window and am walking down main street wrapped in an american flag blanket. Can you pick me up?
I'm fucking camped out by the bathrooms. I think the poopatrator is in there. Wtf is my life
Almost an end to the saga.
just showered sitting down cuz standing seemed like too much work, thursdays need to stop making me their bitch.
Shame - the story of my life.
Randomize
