No idea how I passed that sobriety test.
we just decided that lesbian tuesdays are a must, as of tomorrow.
I'm not even planning on drinking that much tonight.. but I'm writing "emergency contact number" and your number on my hand just in case
do you think you could subtly ask him about the dimensions of his penis?
Are you seriously trying to guilt me into sending you naked pictures by saying "So I can look at them during dialysis" ?
Is it working?
I woke up with my bra stapled to the ceiling, her dad was in the hallway winking at me. I was the less drunk of the bunch.
The polish Muslims are throwin paczkis into the crowd and I'm beer 6 before 11 am
So I totally just remembered that you tried to smoke a hornet out of it's nest.
Just thought you should know that we coat checked our fairy wings last night. Getting belly up to the bar was way more important that wearing our costumes.
You're welcome to join, but just to warn you, tequila makes my clothes disappear. And I'm telling you that as an adult to an adult, not as your supervising teacher who decides whether or not you graduate.
she's traveling up the coast with her camera and a stash of pot cookies eating food from different campuses. said she slept in a closet 2 states away last nite... of course I'm interested
In my drunk state I was like I ONLY HAD SEX WITH SOMEONE ELSE BECAUSE HE WAS THE HOTTEST GUY IVE EVER EVEN SEEN
He also deemed that the fact that I couldn't log into Netflix was not an emergency. He's wrong.
I never thought my gollum impression would lead to me getting laid.
Huzzah!
I’m photoshopping my boobs to up my Tinder game. I need better dick in 2020
Randomize