The jonas brothers playing in your laptop. This is why guys won't sleep with you...
to do: lose virginity to hamster dance
I woke up because I was nodding to the dream question of "would you like a sombrero?"
Hey man thanks for carrying me in and out of that frat house. There's no I in team.
Just saw two dudes run across the street carrying a mini keg and a scaled model of the empire state building. Missed this town
I swear 95% of pictures on my phone are from drunken nights I don't remember with me doing a peace sign alone in somebody's bedroom.
Bailey. He has a soul patch. Idgaf if he was an NFL player. Nobody with a soul patch is attractive.
I was so drugged up it was amazing, I felt like a dinosaur "because I enjoyed spinach, and I got apple juice and only dinosaurs get apple juice" according to me the day of, and last night I felt like a rocket ship
I wish I cared about making my vagina as presentable as you do.
Would it be weird if I congratulated the guy who almost broke up my marriage for working on the marriage equality bill? You know, thanks for fighting for the sanctity of marriage. Weird, right?
I tried to break it off with the married one. He offered to pay off my car.
The side bitch struggle is real.
I swear to God if you fuck my cousin I will fuck your dad.
Your english degree would kill itself if it could read that text.
maybe a couloe typos.. noooooooooo big deal
Sitting naked, eating lucky charms with rain boots on
You asked me how red your eyes were... they were shut.
Randomize
