i just told a girl i would suck the alcohol out of a deoderant stick
you'll never believe how fucking awesome rain man is when you're stoned.
theyre selling pepper spray in the courtyard. hellooo atl
dad just smoked me out. he's yelling at room service for not giving him cookies and milk with his towels...we're both too high to know if thats a legit complaint.
Just saw a field sobriety test being administered at 730 am, I now know I do not have a drinking problem
Why did 20 jello shots in a row sound like a good idea last night?
She told me she eats fruit when she's hungover because it has more water than water.
My kindergarten teacher served me... All coming full circle
Heard puking from next door. Looks like the third floor won't be any different than the second.
My 16 year old neighbor is throwing a rager cuz her parents are out of town and my brother and I are sitting on the porch listening to A) someone fuck on the trampoline B) a girl bawling about her parents finding out C) someone puking in what we think is the hot tub. And overall we take a shot everytime someone says "bra"
I am the worst person to have nipple rings I'm hanging ornaments off of then and sending everyone a tits the season to be jolly
On a scale from 1 to total dick, how inappropriate is it to pick your boyfriend up from rehab with a hangover?
It's a shame I've been hooking up with him for 6 months and he still doesn't know my real name.
Fuck him. He can bang that skeezer all he wants. Fuck her lawyerness I’m a YouTube star
So, I can officially cross "getting eaten out in a church confession booth" off my bucket list.
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