So how was he last night?
Five-minute foot-long.
She had her laptop open and there was microsoft word opend and all was written was "no italianoo"
Its name is Richard. And I think he formally introduced us.
God damn. I'm really starting to resent babies. They're everywhere. Like fucking land mines.
His thanks his mom for not having an abortion at his wedding toast. I love frat weddings.
I wouldn't be surprised. You and I have basically synced up our brain chemistry by doing drugs together in the same way that two girls would sync their menstrual cycles by sharing a house.
I didnt say frisky time, just alone time, to chat, or watch a show, or stare into one anothers eyes, or souls, or asses, whatever you straight people do
Ended up getting hot boxed in a limo with a bunch of asians going to a karaoke bar. I think I pretended to understand their language for a solid hour. Am I bilingual now?
Call me something sexy & ethnic. Like jasmine. But mystical too. Like Mermaid Jasmine. And throw Glitter somewhere in there too.
If the river was whiskey, it would be the best river ever.
Do you think it's safe to mix miralax with a tequila sunrise?
I'm not going to say what I did. You're smart enough to figure it out. But I did it. And you owe me 20$
Ordered a pizza stoned. The guy handed me my pizza and I tried to pay him by handing him back the pizza.
So his dick was definitely bigger than it looked in all the pictures he sent my daughter.
No idea but I'm preparing for 4 tequila shots and tons of vomit
Randomize
