why wash my dick in the morning if you're not there to suck it?
when we woke up the fish was dead lying next to us on the bed. wat should i tell her
Remember that amazing deer? You peed next to that dear..
I'll bring the barf blanket just in case.
my car smells like vomit and bananas. this can't really be my life.
I just want you to sit on my face and to tell you you're pretty. Most girls would leap at this opportunity.
He puked on the grill while the burgers were on. We had to go to taco bell
When / where did the additional couches appear?
Additional?
James brought one with him when he showed up. Theres still 2 outside and according to facebook, at least one more burned up.
scratch that I can tell you where she is shes drunk on a beach somewhere being a penis slayer
We're both clumsy. What does this imply for our kids?
Helmets.
So the guy I hooked up with during welcome week just tried to booty call me from across the lecture hall at 9am. I don't think he gets how this works...
He told me how it ended, then I blew him.
So he ruined the best cinematic experience of your life and you REWARDED him??
just woke up and currently drinking copious amounts of eggnog straight from the carton to replenish the electrolytes lost last night
The zombie version of you bit my friend's hand. No more zombie crawl for you. Not ever.
He interrupted me giving him head to ask if I were hungry, because he wanted to eat pizza. Wtf.
Randomize
