so i did it. i barked while i was ejaculating. not a word was said by either of us afterwards.
so how much did i say i owed you?
$5 and a new fuck buddy.
I don't llike drinking between sober and blackout. Its boring.
last night you decided it was time to "get organized" and "straighten out your life." You pulled out a bag of troll dolls, sorted through them and got nostalgic. You demanded both andy and i take one and keep it forever.
well i just set every background of each phone in the verizon store to my face
Just got done reading an 11 page essay for class. Took me three fucking days and the only thing I have highlighted is the name "Alexander Cockburn"
Woke up and went out for a cigarette and it was dead quiet. It was like the world just knew how many mistakes were made last night.
We were gonna play Truth or Dare but like 10 minutes in we decided to get naked and play Dare or Get the fuck out.
i'm drinking margaritas from a pouch...really dont think i'm in the position to judge anyone...
There's cake. And donuts. And strippers. It's like 5 year old me and 20 year old me are throwing a party together...
I was preparing to do my walk of shame shirtless, but then I found my sweater, wallet and keys neatly piled under a tree in the park.
She just called to say she can support a full bottle of vodka between "the girls" now. I'm going over, don't try and stop me.
The following message is brought to you by IMSOFUCKINGSORRY. Dude I'm really sorry I got you arrested last night. You are allowed to choose a repayment plan from the following options: Money, weed, or a single kick to the balls any time within the next calender months. Repayment outside of the aforementioned options can be negotiated and considered within reason.
Not saying puking on the side of a cab was how I imagined freshman year of med school but...
sexting while watching Peter Pan the Musical! something just doesn't seem right here
Ugh hungover at a laundromat is a terrible feeling. For some reason I keep getting sucked into staring at the clothes spinning around and around and it makes me want to profusely projectile vomit everywhere
Randomize
