You don't get off work for this? I feel genuinely bad for you.
I'll have a beer when I get into the office. Yes, I hide beer in my work frige.
I really like you and I'm tired of just hooking up. I want you be my boyfriend.
Uhh, I'm not breaking up with my girlfriend to be with you.
worse things have happened to me. but if it will make you feel better you can pay for my therapist sessions next week.
she has her graduation year in her skype name, it's like a constant reminder that she's jail bait.
Just took last nights make up off with a sock. That hungover.
Dude I wanna go on a booze cruise
Dude our life is a booze cruise
But without boats...
The hot tub didn't work. But it's okay because we discovered just how many people you can fit in a bathtub.
At least I got to make out with you a little before you proposed.
Who knew there were so many rules and judgements about laying on a kitchen floor. I'm all like I'm resting. It just happens to be on a kitchen floor.
Oh god now he thinks I'm into him because I've been staring at him trying to figure out what animal he looked like
WHY WERE YOU COOKING NAKED?
WHY WERE YOU SLEEPING ON MY COUCH?
i just found a red feather stuck to my penis and i really wanted to send you a picture but too much
He started talking about getting a puppy together. So of course I went down on him later
I have finally found someone I enjoy for reasons that do not necessarily include his dick
I am 11 times too hungover to give the eulogy
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