No matter how drunk I am, I will take the time to wipe a pube off the toilet seat.
I wish I could have two rating systems on iTunes. "This one is a 5 star. This one is only a 5 star when I'm baked."
That's the great thing about NY, if you pee your dress you have an entire cab ride to air dry your panties before the next club.
Oh my god. I think I just sexted my mom...
What?!
Fwd: Ride me, you sleek sleek woman!!!
It's gotten to the point where even copying off yahoo answers is still way too much work.
whispering "taste the rainbow" well having sex isn't my biggest turn on.
please stop judging me for buying a handle of soco on a thursday at 10am. it was on sale, i'm thinking of my future.
She sprinted out of the bathroom and ran all the way into the middle of the street. Five minutes later she came back with a banana nut muffin. She's that kind of drunk.
I definitely hasselhoffed a taco bell burrito on my kitchen floor in front of my dad and little brother.
Im drunk on a hayride surrounded by toddlers. they are judging me.
The problem with Wednesday evening drinking is that no gets to my level. It's like like a one man party. But it's a goood party.
I think I may have some undocumented and undiscovered std that causes girls to go bat shit crazy. How you got it is beyond me
Not sure but if it exists I will find it and I will fill my face with it
HE’S PUKING UP BLOOD
okay all good I mistook strawberita for blood...
Get your heels and tits on! I’m not wasting a Brazilian because his fucking kid ate paste or Legos and ruined an afternoon suite sex and room service
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