I just found out the FDA voted to ban Vicodin, my last connection to this world has been destroyed
Just wondering did you put mouse traps and brownies on my porch?
He kept his baseball cap on when he went down on me...
Dipping doritos in Grey Poupon. Why does no one treat me like the lady I am?
Be prepared to possibly be invited to a fancy strip club breakfast on Friday and be prepared to say yes.
Dude that girl I hooked up with Tuesday is in lecture. I told her I was from the Dominican visiting my cousin and was leaving the next day. Hiding under my hood and hangover.
Tornado booty call.. dedication
At what point lastnight did a lens fall out of my glasses and nobody tell me?
I'm trying to get WebMD to diagnose me with a hangover
I know but we're going to blackout city so it'll probably be warm there
We should leave before they realize I dumped a bowl of Fritos in your bag just in case I got hungry
I forgot what I was gonna say, but I'm pretty excited to not be pregnant.
I just lost my handcuff virginity and not in the sexy way.
He let me share his family pack of hot pockets with him. Chivalry isn't dead after all.
I just saw a guy faceplant off a unicycle while holding a saxophone, while his buddy riding another unicycle and sporting a flute rode by laughing
Only at UConn...
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