The crazy thing is, I dont actually know where the cat is, she said something bout the back of the toilet and a sock.
just took my birth control pill with a shamrock shake. happy st. patrick's day
Im holding a competition......who saw me last, and who knows how my nose got bruised? you earn points for answering either question. and for bringing me water.
thursday was literally the first time i didnt drunk eat since the bush administration and it was only because i was fucking someones boyfriend. making a mental note to do that more often.
I dont know why the TSA people are looking at me wierd. I mean there is no way i am the only hungover college girl here with nine tally marks on her hand and last nights glitter on her face
there has got to be a maximum amount of semen a person can take in before they get some kind of poisoning.
no dude I'm not doing anything bad to her...remember she's always the DD she has blackmail material on literally all of us
I would rather burn my vagina off with a damn flame thrower before I would touch anything that has touched her skank ass.
Can I trade you chipotle for a pregnancy test?
I truly wish I could say I pulled my groin straddling our cab driver but unfortunately I cannot
Jesus christ. I put you on speaker when you called me last night and you told me to brush my teeth with a dick.
I just accidentally deep throated a popsicle in front of my parents
I'm actually pinning crap for Friendsgiving like a boss right now. These bitches better show up.
Why thank you for your unwanted opinion, person I've never met before.
I stopped telling people I'm a pansexual unless they ask first, really tired of explaining what that means.
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