Totally saw a hot amputee. I think this is called character growth.
pube in her braces AGAIN. barely kept a straight face.
If it was for sex do you really think i would asking for a mass vote? I'm like fidel castro when it comes to sex. No public approval needed.
I like daylight savings. I don't care if it's 4 oclock it's not daydrinking if it's dark out
seek help.
Somehow last night, my dad got me so drunk that I ended up throwing up on the couch, turning the cushions over to hide it, and going to sleep on them.
The problem with having your drunkeness documented at a wedding is not only does it show up all over facebook, but all over professional photography websites.
I'm sorry the first time we hungout you had to witness me throw up in the ocean then army crawl to shore.
One thing noone tells you about getting put in the drunk tank is do it barefoot. You get free flipflops.
You'd be proud! I didn't lose my id this time... It got confiscated
If I get there and all he has for my big valentines surprise is his body, I'm dumping his ass and posting his dirty pictures on a porn site so people can laugh at him.
i am one UTI away from banning your fingers from my vagina
I literally got so drunk last night, I texted myself "porpoises" and that was it. I have no recollection of this.
The zombie version of you bit my friend's hand. No more zombie crawl for you. Not ever.
I think the only option is to smoke so much weed I just pass out for 3 days.
wait i saw you last night?
we found you ass naked on the couch covered in pillows.
Randomize
