i dont think there is any level of not caring that i havent covered in the last month
he left me a 6 minute video of him peeling a clementine listening to justin bieber
to cover up your slurred speech you tried talking like the creepy old man from family guy
I have only been in this city 3 nights and there are already 4 bars I can never go back to again.
suddenly, hermaphrodite night sounds like a really bad idea
It's my birthday, I plan on masturbating and boating, maybe even masturbate on the boat.
Ya I fucked her.. But now Melissa is gonna find out
Just tell her that in a man's never ending war between his heart and his dick... His heart never wins
IF CHARLIE SCHEEN CAN DO IT I CAN DO IT IM A PROFESSONAL
if drunk means calling me and asking to borrow the game of life at 2am then I think you were drunk
I don't know when it is this year, but if I ever text you an illegible text that also happens to contain sharks, Shark Week started.
i just honestly didn't believe you when you said your brother was a fucking clown. ho shit you weren't kidding.
She tried to subtly measure me, but I noticed. She told me I barely made the cut otherwise there would have been just a handshake as a parting gift.
The alcohol tastes like we did a beer run at the nail salon
what happened last night?
we watched you eat an entire bag of dorritos in the pouring rain... you refused to come inside
I did put on a shirt to start the night, right?
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