Eric said he heard us having sex the other night. He said i did a great job.
god, a vagina is an amazing trump card
if she mentions anything about chili and my phone, just go with it
Eating hibachi. The chef is squirting sake into my mouth with a ketchup bottle. Happened twice, more to come.
I found them in the kitchen microwaving bottle rockets chanting U.S.A U.S.A U.S.A
I'm pretty sure we got the cab driver deported
im celebrating the fact lent is over and i can give blow jobs again.
He's coming over, and I hope he doesn't get hungry. I'm sure its not proper protocol to bring one booty call to another booty call's house for the munchies.
Uuh, dude you came running out of the bar screaming you didn't want to hear that song, ran face first into a truck, spun around 3 times and hit the sidewalk. I tried to catch you.
DAMMIT Im supposed to be running a company not discussing dick piercings!
it is my last wish that my tale be published posthumously as a warning to anyone thinking of eating burger king at nine am
Dude respond to my evite. You're either coming to the orgy or not.
yeah, i thought because of the nature of his job he would have been better at it, but i guess there's a difference between a bagpipe and vagina
Last thing I remember I was riding on a picnic table being hauled around by a lawn mower with an empty case of bud light on my head...
My "birthday sex" consisted of approximately 25 seconds of him going down on me in the shower.
Randomize
