I can already tell this is gonna be one of those parties where we sit across the room and text about people.
You were partners with her mom and you began calling her "the Robert Horry of beer pong" You also kept telling her that she was hotter than her daughter.
Trying to find something to do here is like trying to find a vegan resturant in alabama.
come home now. i got a twizzler tangled in my hair again
Apparently shes in the bathroom puking but eating a pot roast she found in the fridge at the same time.
As I was going down on her I noticed she had a tatoo on her inner thigh that said "Eat it like your birthday cake".
He wants to call Lloyd's of London and have my mouth insured.
She had another shot and asked if I wanted to taste her tongue ring. Then I helped her pee.
She just kept saying "bless your heart" to him while he cried because he came so fast. I think a Texas woman was just what he needed
How hard to you think I will be judged if I order 8 giant pickles from Jimmy Johns right now?
She frightens me and turns me on at the same time. She's a keeper
Restraining order pending?
I wish drunk me wasn't so into manscaping. Or at least good at it. Either or really
I woke up to some strange woman rubbing peanut butter on my thighs
The only times we have to apologize in this friendship is when you intentionally punch me and that's only happened once so it's okay
she prefaced telling me she was pregnant with "houston, we have a problem"
Randomize
