the vacuum is drunk
what?
i spilled my drink and tried to vacuum it and now the vacuum is drunk
Does my status still say I suck cocks? I don't know how to change it
at least he left the skimmer on the side of the pool so i could fish out my thong in the morning
We were just at different life stages. He wanted to get married and have kids, I wanted to take MDMA and fuck my roommate.
You don't seem to appreciate the rareness of his junk.
Send me a picture. I'm more of a visual learner.
All I could think when I saw it was, "All right, Vagina, only one of us is getting out of this alive."
i went to the 24h massage place last night and brought down the price for a hand job from $50 to $12.75 and half the big mac left in my bag.
I'm eating cake, naked, in bed. I am GREAT at being single.
On Friday, can we drink like its Civil Wars times and the doctor's coming to saw off our gangreen infected legs?
I would rather you cheat on me then you watch this season of Breaking Bad without me.
Is it completely inappropriate to base my morning after pill purchase on if they sell coffee or not?
Well. I had to explain to my niece that the word cunt is not an abbreviation for country. I'm the best aunt in the world.
I don't know what to do about my nipple.
We couldn't leave for the bar until he spent 10 minutes adjusting his vaporizer. I want to drown him in beard oil.
He said he loved me more than Kel loves orange soda
the result of growing up in the '90's
Randomize
