You think the Elephant Man ever tried to pick up chicks claiming all his appendages were elephant-sized?
I'm too high to be shopping. I just contemplated deoderant for fifteen minutes. Now testing pillows
forced to watch US open for father's day. only perk is discovering dustin johnson...reeeeally hoping that this golf sex addiction thing is contagious
drunk tastebuds have low standards.
i literally paused in the middle of it, turned on my light, pointed to the picture netxt to my bed and go "you hooked up with my roommate too!!! AWWW!" he was so weirded out. i don't think he understands the relationship we have..we share..
but you don't have to sleep on top of four different cum stains because you'd rather buy a case of Franzia than spend $3.50 in the student laundry room
i threw up on the table at the pizza place and peed in her room mates closet. i wouldnt invite me back either
So after I was tied with a feather boa he left me there with KFC and cherry coke
I actually had fun getting arrested. That high.
If I could run through a field of Reece's and Oreos, dive off a milkfall into a bowl of cereal. My Life would complete.
I need to be put in a corner surrounded by pamphlets of stds and babies
I'm gonna do it. I'm gonna write gay mortal kombat fanfic. May the gods be praised for whisky
They offered me pot brownies in 7 minutes flat. Imagine my horror when I had to be like, are those gluten free?
Drunk me also decided it would be funny to change all the passwords on my computer last night. Now I can't log into anything.
You still owe me one bodily function mess clean up.
You pee on the floor one time and you never hear the end of it...
Randomize
