I called her the wrong name twice and she still called me back this morning. DO I still wait two days to call her back?
my mom heard me say 'don't squirt that at me' while me & him were in my room. She then decided to call my aunt and complain to her that she has the sluttiest daughter in town. she refused to believe me when i told her i was talking about gel.
I'm with your mom on this one.
I'm watching a show called "I didn't know I was pregnant" on TLC...Apparently this happens enough that there is a series
She just dipped a dollar bill in her queso dip and almost ate it before I slapped it out of her hand, no more bar crawls..
there is just no excuse for touching your mothers vagina.
answer the phone. i thought i was eating cheese but it was butter. i ate a lot of it.
I puked all over his apartment, then slept with the skinniest girl here. Which isn't saying much in Ohio.
oh awks just saw the head of medical staff who I punched the bottle of wine at
I will call him whatever I please, including flaccid dick on forehead guy but not limited to watermelon cunt head.
Seriously. What did you do to me. You have a monstercoooooock.
I can't believe I just typed monstercoooooock. Twice.
You can't just call animal control when you're drunk because there is a bug in the shower.
we got kicked out of her coke dealer's house when we wouldn't stop quoting "a league of their own"
communist
On the food pyramid big dick are "sometimes foods"
My vagina feels like a chupacabra ripped me apart using its mythological set of needle pointed teeth
the universe is starting to freak me out.. ive now had sex with 3 people who were born on the same day..
Randomize
